Change
by SmellsLIkeFreesias
Summary: Steph discovers something about Ranger and takes it upon herself to help whether he likes it or not. The consequences bring about realizations of her life and what has to change. Angst, drama, rated M for some language. Babe story.
1. Part I

**Here is my first Stephanie Plum fanfiction. Its kind of angsty, I'm warning you now. The characters are slightly OCC, and before you ask, I'm a BABE. Morelli doesn't appear at all in my story, only referenced. I own nothing so please don't sue me. All characters belong to Janet Evanovich.**

**The Change**

**Part I**

Another mind numbingly difficult day at work. Seriously, Mikey Tarantino is a 75 year old loon, how could catching him be so difficult?

I turn on the shower, run the water until it gets hot and step in. Water pressure is off yet again but whatever. What has my life come to when I can't even enjoy the simple pleasures? I swear, one of these days I'm going to rob a bank, buy a house with a yard and a dog and a big kitchen. And a really amazing shower. A shower like Ranger's shower. Is that really too much to ask for?

And of course thinking about Ranger makes me achy in strategic places so I put my shower massager to good use… doesn't cure the symptoms but it does take the edge off.

Ranger. Batman. Man of Mystery. Those were just a few of his aliases. For me its more like close friend turn one time lover, turned best friend. Though lately he'd been a little off but I can understand that.

See he and I have a kind of unspoken agreement: we flirt mercilessly both knowing that he doesn't want more than sex and I better not get emotionally attached. This was all fine and dandy until my final break up with Joe Morelli, at which point I think Ranger was afraid I may start clinging on to him. But come on, I'm not delusional.

I step out of the shower, towel off and am just pulling a t-shirt over my head when I hear the locks tumble in the front.

Speak of the devil.

Knowing he'll find me in a second, I don't bother to go to him. Instead I'm toweling off my hair when he comes into my bedroom. "Going somewhere?" he asks.

I look up to see him leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. There is a white envelope in his hands. "Yep. Bed. I'm tired."

"Maybe you should spend your nights sleeping instead of pacing in your kitchen."

I drop the towel. "What?! You have a camera set up?!"

"A monkey could break in here. Trust me, its for your own good."

"Right, more like for your own amusement."

"You pacing in your underwear isn't very amusing. Its sexy as hell." He says with a grin.

I glare at him. "I want it out, Ranger."

"No." he says simply.

"Why the hell not? I'm not being stalked by anyone, no danger, no crazies. I'd like my privacy."

He looks like he's thinking about letting me have my way. "We'll see. I came by to drop off a check."

That catches my attention. "A check for what?" I barely see Ranger anymore and I haven't worked for his company in weeks.

He deposits the white envelope he's holding on my dresser. "The last distraction job plus an advance on some other work. I'm leaving town for a while and I've had to move some people around in the offices. I'd appreciate it if you could run some searches a couple times a week."

I shrug, "Sure." But as I look up at him, I can almost see something behind the blank face. Something's up and my spidey sense tingles. "Is everything okay?"

He gives me a brief nod. "Fine." But again, he looks as though he wants to add something more.

He doesn't.

He turns around and is about to walk back out of my apartment when I stop him. "Hold up." I don't really have anything to say except the questions that are bubbling to the surface. Asking these questions would probably get me nowhere, but still... "What's going on?" My curiosity always wins.

He looks at me with another blank look and doesn't answer. I'm about to say something else when his cell buzzes. Putting one finger up to silence me he pulls the blackberry out of his pocket. "Talk," he commands in lieu of a greeting.

I leave him to his conversation and walk around my kitchen, scanning for the camera. I search for a bit then finally spot it above the cabinet in the far corner. I skirt around Ranger, whose eyes I can feel on me, and grab a chair from the dining room table. Placing the chair as close to the counter as possible, I climb on top to better reach the unwanted security camera. I reach… just a bit further… almost... there!

Triumphantly I begin to climb back down from the chair when Ranger stops me. "Leave it, Babe." I guess his phone conversation is done.

His large hand is warm on my thigh and its making my thoughts stray to where they shouldn't. "Ranger, I should be able to do anything I want in my own apartment without worrying about being watched." I reason with him softly, "Its creepy."

He sighs and lifts me out of the chair, puts me safely on the ground and kisses the top of my head. "Fine, I'll fix it." He takes the camera from me and begins to make some adjustments in its position. In the mean time I notice that his blackberry is on the counter and the screen is lit. Without really meaning too, I see that the calendar option is open to tomorrow's date. What I see under it gives me an ill feeling.

ST. GEORGE'S HOSPITAL, TAMPA, FL. 10:30 AM, DR. EVANS

I million things run through my head as the screen goes dark; is someone sick? Is Ranger sick? No, Batman doesn't get sick. In order to get sick you'd have to be human. Florida... does that mean Julie's hurt? No, I just got an email from her a couple of days ago, if she was she would have mentioned it.

I tear my eyes away from the phone so he doesn't see me staring at it.

"I'm going to have Hector come and put this in the foyer so it looks over the front door and the hallway. We'll be able to see if anyone unfamiliar comes in, but you have the rooms to yourself. Better?"

I cross my arms over my chest. "Only marginally." My thoughts are still on the hospital thing. Its really bugging me but if I ask him, he'll be really pissed off at me for snooping. I _hate_ dealing with angry Ranger. His anger is hardly ever pointed towards me but when it is, its not fun. "Hey, um, I got an email from Julie the other day. She said she's taking surf lessons."

"Mm." No real acknowledgement as he picks up his phone from the counter.

"Are you going to get to see her any time soon? She's in Miami, right?"

"No. Yes."

"Do you have family in other parts of Florida?"

"No."

I know better than to ask Ranger a bunch of questions, but really, I can't _not_ know. "So are you leaving town on business or pleasure?"

Ranger walks towards the foyer. "Personal business. I have to go. Call Tank if you need back up for anything." And he's gone.

I stand in the kitchen a while longer going over things in my head. His family is mostly in Newark, or in Miami. Maybe someone had to be transferred to a hospital in Tampa. Although that makes no sense. I don't know much about geography but I know Tampa is a good 3-4 hours from Miami. What kind of personal business does Ranger have in Tampa?

Of course, I can't leave well enough alone. An hour later I've searched the internet for all the Dr. Evans' in Tampa Florida. There are three but only one employed at St. George's hospital. He's a surgeon. A great surgeon from the information I gathered, but still a surgeon... why does Ranger have an appointment with a surgeon?

Figuring that what Ranger did was his own business, I go to bed.

I can't seem to sleep, though. My brain is in overdrive and I can't help that nagging feeling that something is wrong. So I do the stupidest thing possible.

I go to my laptop, wait forever for the internet to start up again and book the next flight out to Tampa.

--

* * *

--

My savings are _so_ going to take a huge dive after this trip.

I arrive in Tampa at 8:59 AM and pick up my rental car. "Could you please tell me how to get to St. George's hospital?" I ask the guy who pulls my car around. He gives me very rushed directions and I actually manage to catch most of it.

"It should take you about 20 minutes to get there from here." He says with a smile. I smile back and am on my way.

20 minutes turns into an hour and a half. When I finally pull into the parking lot at the hospital its 10:20.

I sneak into the hospital with giant sunglasses on and a hoodie, in case Ranger is lurking around. He'd send me to a third world country for this.

_It's_ _a_ _really_ _nice_ _hospital_, I think. It's clearly one of those really exclusive hospitals with serene looking decor and very friendly looking helpers, although my nerves are way past being calmed by the ambiance. "Excuse me," I say to the lady at the front customer service desk. "I'm here to see Dr. Evans."

She looks down at something on the desk. "You want the fourth floor, surgical wing."

"Thank you." I say as I make a dash for the elevator. _Oh jeez, what am I doing?! Ranger is going to kill me for this. Or worse._

I'm feeling overly nervous as I arrive on the fourth floor. I do a quick scan and check for Ranger. All clear. I go to the front desk and quietly ask for Dr. Evans. "I'm sorry," says the guy behind the desk, "he's getting ready for a surgery. Are you here with the patient?"

I feel myself go pale. Prepped for surgery? Who is having surgery? What kind? Please don't let it be Ranger, Please not Ranger. "Um… yes I am. Can you tell me where the patient is?" All I need is a quick look to see that it isn't Ranger and then I'm out.

"Are you family?" the guy asks curiously, "He mentioned was not expecting anyone."

_He?_ So the patient is a he? _Okay Steph,_ I tell myself, _don't panic. _Ranger once said he had a brother. Maybe his brother is in there. Maybe his Dad. Not that I'm wishing harm on any male in Ranger's family. I probably got the whole thing wrong anyway. Probably this is a waste and I got the wrong Dr. Evans. I probably didn't even read the damn thing right anyway. Ranger's probably fine. In fact he's probably living it up somewhere.

"Yes, I'm family." I say.

The guy looks doubtful for a second, but then consults his books. "Room 34B. Down the hall, last door on the right."

"Thank you." I quietly survey the hall. No Ranger. Good, I'll just sneak a peak in.

Room 34B is a private suite. I look through the little glass pane on the door and freeze.

It's Ranger.

He's laying on a hospital bed with 3 nurses attending to him. He doesn't see me, but I can see him clearly. His blank face is firmly in place. His hair is swept back in a ponytail, his chest is bare (and gorgeous, might I add.) and his skin is a bit paler than normal.

I'm suddenly gripped with fear. _Why_ is he having the surgery? What kind is it? Is it life threatening? Stupid question, all surgeries are in one way or another. Why is he here alone? Is he scared? How long will he take to recover?

I'm still staring when he lifts his head and frowns, as though he can _feel_ something isn't right. I move out of view right before he turns his head. A millisecond later and he would've seen me.

Not knowing what to do, I wander around to the waiting area. It's a separate room and he won't see me in there. I casually take a magazine but I can't focus on it. I stare unseeingly at the same page for an immeasurable amount of time.

_Ranger is in surgery._ The thought makes my blood run cold.

But he'll be fine, I tell myself. He's Batman. He's probably in there doing the damn surgery himself with minimal assistance from that Dr. Evans.

Before I know it, I look up and its 3 hours later. Hesitantly, I walk back to the guy at the front desk. "Sorry to bother you again," I say in a small voice. "But its been a while. Is everything going alright with the surgery so far?"

"Dr. Evan's surgery? Yes, so far so good. Normally tumors in that area are simple to remove and are out quickly but Dr. Evans is thorough. He'll be fine. Are you the patient's wife?"

Tumor.

Oh shit.

"Ma'am?"

I snap my eyes back to his. "Um, I'm sorry, what?"

"Are you the patient's wife?"

Figuring it would be easier to get information that way I nod. "Yes, I am."

The guy smiles, "Well, don't worry, Mrs. Manoso, I'm sure your husband will be fine. I'll come and get you the minute he gets out of surgery."

I nod. "Thank you." I head back to the waiting area and pull out my cell phone.

"Hey, white girl, where you at?" Lula asks the minute she picks up the phone.

"I'm going to be out of town for a while. I needed a vacation so I decided to go to the beach. It was kind of last minute, do you think you could feed Rex for me?"

"You know, I coulda used a vacation too. You shoulda let me know and we woulda done it up right. Want me to come meet you?"

I shake my head, foolishly because its not like she can see it. "No, that's alright. I don't know how long I'll be gone, though. Get Tank to let you into my place, he'll know how, I'm sure."

"You know Batman left town today too." She says, "Tank told me last night he'd be busy for a while on account of he was taking the lead at RangeMan for a bit."

"Yes, Ranger told me. He stopped by last night."

"Girl! You been holding out on me! Its about time you got some, its been long enough since you caught Supercop with that skinny ass bitch, what was her name?"

I feel my eye twitch at the mention of it. "Terry Gilman," I say through gritted teeth. "And thanks for the reminder."

"I'm just saying," she says defensively.

"Well, relax, nothing happened last night. Could you feed Rex? And maybe tell my parents I'm out for a while too?"

"Sure thing, white girl."

I hang up and walk numbly back to the waiting room.

A tumor.

Cancer.

Ranger has cancer. But he'll be alright, I'm sure. He's Ranger, the cancer is probably afraid of him. He'll kick its ass and be back at work tomorrow probably.

It bothers me that he was here alone. I'm sure he just wants to keep his bad boy image in tack; never show weakness and all. But still. I can't just go back to Trenton when he is here recovering from surgery and possibly battling cancer. I'm going to have to stay.

But then again, he may kill me for snooping around in his private business. It would be a slow and painful death, too, I'm sure.

Oh well, he can kill me _after_ he recovers.

--

* * *

--

An hour or so later, I'm being nudged awake by the front desk guy. "Hey, Mrs. Manoso?"

I sit up, instantly alert. "Is Ranger alright?"

The guy nods. "Um, Mr. Manoso is alright. Is his name Ranger? I have Carlos in the file…"

I nod, "Yes, sorry, that's what I call him. How is he? What's happening with the tumor? Is it all gone? Will he have to have chemotherapy? Oh God…" I start hyperventilating.

The guy puts a hand on my shoulder, "Everything is all right. Dr. Evans got it all. I don't know about the rest but the doctor will come and fill you in shortly. Would you like to see your husband?"

I hesitate. "Is he awake?"

"No."

"Then sure."

I follow him back to Ranger's private room. It's a very nice room for a hospital. It's creamy colored with teal blinds and curtains. There are two armchairs near the bed, by the window and a private bathroom. But my attention is only on the sleeping Ranger on the bed. I always thought people looked peaceful when they slept, but looking at Ranger now, he looks just as serious as ever, only with his eyes closed.

"He'll be out for a while. The doctor will be in shortly," says the nurse man before he lets himself out.

I step cautiously towards Ranger and tears well up in my eyes. I hastily wipe them away. He _has_ to be alright. Please, he just _has_ to. I reach forward, pause for a second as he exhales, and lightly touch his hair. It's silky beneath my fingers. I smooth it back. Looking under the covers, I notice a bandage on his abdomen. Looks like that's where the tumor was.

_Please_ let him be okay.

I spend the next few minutes running my fingers through his hair and I think for a second that I notice the serious expression on his face lessen.

Nope, never mind, its still there.

The door to Ranger's room opens quietly and in steps a man with salt and pepper hair and scrubs. "Hello, Mrs. Manoso. I'm Dr. Evans." He extends his hand and I shake it.

"Hello, Doctor, can you tell me more about his condition?"

He nods. "I must say I'm surprised to see you here. Mr. Manoso didn't mention he was married."

"Yes, he's really a private guy."

The doctor smiles. "I guessed as much. Well, so far we know that everything turned out great. We go the tumor out. We won't know what the next step is until the results come back. If it's benign, he'll recover in no time and can forget this ever happened."

"And if it's not benign?" I ask cautiously.

Dr. Evan's smile falters a bit, "Well if not, we'll have to keep monitoring him bi annually to see that it doesn't come back. If he develops the same symptoms as last time—,"

"Symptoms?" I interrupt.

"Yes, the pain and pressure build up. The tumor was leaning on some blood vessels which is what caused the pressure to his heart. It's gone now, so he should go back to normal, but we want to make sure it doesn't regrow or spread anywhere else. If it's benign we don't have to worry about that."

"And, again, if it's not benign, will he need chemotherapy? Radiation?"

"Possibly, but only if it begins to regrow. As I said, we got it all, every last bit. If it is malignant, then there may be microscopic cells that could possibly regrow, but we can't know for sure yet."

I nod, taking it all in. "How long until we know if it's malignant or not?"

"The lab is backed up at the moment so it may be about a day or so. In any case, he'll be here recovering so we'll know before he is discharged."

That brought another question to my lips. "How long will it take for him to recover?"

"Not long. Your husband is in excellent physical shape, Mrs. Manoso, he should rebound in about a week."

This 'Mrs. Manoso' stuff is making me a bit uncomfortable. "Please, call me Stephanie."

"Alright, Stephanie. He's going to be here for at least 2 days. He'll be sore for that long. Because of the area where the tumor was, I don't want him doing any physical activities for 2 weeks. He is to take it easy, which I'm certain for him will be a problem."

I sigh, "You're not kidding."

"Also, he'll be in pain for a while. I'm going to prescribe some pain killers. I know he said he didn't want drugs after the surgery, but I thought perhaps you could persuade him. It really needn't be any more uncomfortable than it is."

"Um, I don't know if he'll listen but it can't hurt to try. How long until he wakes up?"

"The anesthesia should wear off in a couple of hours." He waits, "Any other questions?"

I shake my head. "Not at the moment. Thank you so much for everything."

He smiles again. "Not a problem. When he wakes up you can let him know I'll be in to check on him."

When he leaves, I look back at Ranger. I've been in a lot of scary situations in my life, most of them in the last few years. I've been stalked, kidnapped, put into a coffin, been shot at and almost blown up on a daily basis. There is only one other moment that I felt the kind of fear I feel at this time and it involved Ranger almost dying trying to save me and his daughter. For the second time in my life, I'm imagining life without Ranger around.

Something in my chest gives a painful lurch and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block out the thoughts: this hurts too much to think about.

I bend down and place a soft kiss on his forehead. "You're going to be fine." I whisper in his ear.

Because he has to be.

I don't leave his side for a while but soon my feet get tired and I automatically sit in one of the armchairs near his bed. Sometime later I become aware of how uncomfortable I am and I realize that I've fallen asleep in a really weird position. My eyes are still shut but I can tell that it's no longer daytime. Reluctantly, I open my eyes.

Ranger is sitting up and staring right at me. And he looks _mad!_

I sit up, afraid to really look at him, and wait for him to speak. He waits for a minute, maybe to control his anger, maybe just to drive me crazy then finally he breaks the unnerving silence. "Funny story," he says with absolute humorlessness, "The doctor comes in and tells me how surprised he was to find out I had a wife. Not as surprised as I was, though."

"I didn't tell them I was your wife," I say once I find my voice. "They assumed. I just didn't correct them."

He says nothing. Just more hostile staring.

"Besides," I continue. "They wouldn't have told me anything if I'd told them you were my friend who bails me out of trouble all the time and I have no real ties to."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was curious."

"How did you find out?"

I look away, "I…. um… I guess I sort of saw it written down."

"Saw what written down and where?"

I sigh I defeat, "In your blackberry. I saw the calendar thing yesterday in your blackberry."

Now he looks livid. Normal people would think his face looked calm, but I know better. He's giving off such an angry vibe that the entire room feels colder... I suddenly want to run and hide. "You went into my calendar?" He asks in a low, deadly tone.

"No! I didn't, I swear. It was open and on the counter and I glanced and there was the appointment. It was big and scarily official looking and I got a weird feeling about it so I snooped. I know I shouldn't have, but come on, I find out that this guy is a _surgeon_ and you have an appointment with him... I thought... I don't know... it just... I decided to come down." I can't bear to look at him.

I risk a peak at him and notice that he's breathing a bit heavier than normal. "Ranger, don't get mad, it can't be good for you right now."

"Stephanie!"

I yelp and jump up, "Please," I plead, "Just relax for now. You can send me to a third world country later. I'll go quietly. I'll even book my own flight, just please…"

He doesn't let up. "Who knows about this?"

"No one. I didn't tell anyone."

"Who knows where you are?"

"No one. I didn't tell people where I was going. I called Lula when you were in surgery and told her I was going on vacation and to feed Rex. No one knows where I am."

He seems satisfied with that answer, though he kept eyeing me as though he was about to kill me. I pull out my cell phone and check the time while he contains his anger. Its past midnight. "Here is what's going to happen." His voice is like a gun shot. "You're going to take the next flight back to Trenton. You're going to forget this ever happened and not say anything to anyone. From now on you're going to stay to fuck out of my business."

Nope. That wasn't happening. Somehow I muster up some courage. "Look, I'll leave soon enough. But I'm going to be here when the results come back."

"No, you're not."

"Ranger," I plead yet again, "be reasonable. I have to wait for those results. I need to know you're okay. Sorry, but I do."

Ranger's glare turned bone chilling, "You're letting this 'Mrs. Manoso' thing get to your head. You're not my wife, you're hardly more than a convenient fuck half the time. You think playing nurse is going to, what, make me fall in love with you? Leave. Now. I don't want you here."

Ouch. Yeah… _ouch._

Through some miracle, I'm able to focus on the anger more than the hurt. I'm a jersey girl, it's always anger first. "You want me to leave? Get better and make me." Angrily, I grab the headphones from my bag, jam them in my ear and blast the sound from my iPod. I take a seat in the armchair again and close my eyes.

Fucking Ranger.

By 1 o'clock in the afternoon on the following day, Ranger and I haven't spoken to each other. I'm quite surprised he hasn't called someone to come remove me by force. We don't talk. He hardly sleeps, or maybe he did, I can't always tell. He goes through period where his eyes are closed and he breathes evenly but the slightest noise and he opens his eyes.

Now he has his eyes closed on the bed again. I can tell he's not sleeping because every once in a while he winces. It's almost unnoticeable but I can tell he's hurting. I wish he'd take something for the pain. And I say so. "Maybe you should take the medication. The nurse said it wouldn't knock you out."

"Mind your own business."

Charming. "This is my business."

"The fuck it is."

I angrily jump up from the arm chair. "You think it would be easy for me, going off thinking you're seriously hurt or sick? You think I could find out you're being cut open and just go on with my day as if nothing was happening? Well I can't!" I'm pacing and my arms are waving in anger, "You are being such a fucking hypocrite. You're allowed to put fucking _cameras_ in my apartment and tracers on me whenever you feel like it, yet I'm just supposed to ignore the fact that you had a _tumor_?!?! Are you insane?!"

I stop pacing and coldly stare at him. "Forget it. Not happening. And while I'm at it, I may as well let you know in no uncertain terms that I'm not delusional. Don't flatter yourself, I'm not that into you. I don't get off on being treated like a whore, or worse a yo-yo, being pulled in one minute and thrust back out the next time you feel like you've had enough. I have needs too and you're great in bed but that's it." I tell him, looking him straight in the eyes. He's _going_ to know I'm being serious.

I take a deep breath. "Believe it or not, I care about you because I consider you my friend. A mean, mood-swinging, infuriating, opportunistic bastard half the time, but somehow still a friend. Keep acting like such an asshole, though, and that'll change real quick. Then you can let me know if being alone is really all you hoped it would be."

I grab my purse and walk out the door still fuming.

In a daze, I make my way downstairs into one of the bathrooms. I didn't want to use the one in Ranger's room, I don't want to be anywhere near him at the moment. The bastard.

Cursing at my reflection in the mirror over one of the sinks, I pull out a hair tie from my bag and put my hair into a messy pony tail. I resist the urge to cry, wash my face, apply a little bit of make-up for courage and go down to the cafeteria. This cafeteria has a crappy selection and I end up going for Jell-O and fries. Weird combination, I know.

I don't want to miss the doctor if he comes in with the results, and I'm certain Ranger won't feel like talking to me, so I quickly run to the gift shop, pick up a chocolate bar and a magazine and rush back upstairs. Ranger is in the same position, the bed tilted up so that he's half sitting, half lying down. His face in tilted up, parallel to the ceiling and when I walk in, he glances briefly towards me then looks back up. I say nothing and go back to the arm chair, putting my head phones in place with the volume cranked up.

An hour goes by before I glance up from my magazine. Ranger appears to be asleep.

I let myself look him over, checking for signs of illness or fatigue but he seems to feel my gaze on him and looks back at me. Guess he wasn't really asleep. He doesn't appear to be as angry as before but I have no intention of being friendly right now, so I turn back to my magazine.

A while later, once I've finally lost the headphones, there is a knock on the door which breaks the heavy silence. We both look up as Dr. Evans comes in with a folder in hand. "Is this a good time?" He looks back and forth between us.

"Yes." Ranger says. "Are those the results?"

The doctor nods. "Yes." He opens the folder. I stand, leaving the magazine on the sear. As the doctor steps further into the room, I feel as though time is moving extra slow. Somehow I find myself standing next to Ranger's bed, though I don't remember walking towards it. My nerves are so tangled up, I can hardly feel my fingertips. The doctor looks at the papers in the folder and looks back towards us. "It was benign."

And just like that, I can breathe again. Sweet relief fills my lungs as I breathe in and out.

I don't look at Ranger; for some reason it seems unfair to add more to my vulnerability at the moment.

"The tumor was completely benign and we have no reason to believe it will ever come back." Dr. Evans continues. "We still want to keep him for another two days for observation. How's the pain?"

"Manageable." Ranger says simply.

Dr. Evans nods. "Well, the pills are on your bedside if you need them. They are very mild and they won't knock you out. Keep that in mind if the pain gets to be too much."

"Thank you, doctor." He says.

Dr. Evans is about to make his way out when I stop him, "How long until he's back to normal?"

"Well, to make a full recovery I'd give it about 3-4 weeks. No strenuous activities for the first 2 weeks, though."

I nod. "Thank you, doctor."

"Sure thing." He leaves.

I unconsciously take a deep breath and feel a bit faint. I'd been so nervous since I found out what was wrong… anyway, its fine now. _Everything is fine_, I think silently to myself. I let the words echo in my head, the comfort they provide soothes me. I stay still another few seconds, holding myself steady on Ranger's bed. He'll be fine. He's fine.

Thank God!

The warmth of Ranger's hand on my own jolts me back to reality. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine. Are you?"

I nod. "Sure. Are you in any pain?"

"I'm fine." He repeats. His words are softer than they were the last time he spoke to me.

I pause. "You can be a real asshole."

He cracks a smile. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Well, other than that, you'll be fine. That's what matters." I pull away from him.

"Are you leaving now?" he asks, his voice still soft. It's an innocent question, no malice behind it.

To be honest I don't know what to tell him. I hadn't thought this through. "Not until you're out of the hospital," I hear myself saying, and it surprises me.

For once, he doesn't argue.

--

* * *

--

"Which hotel is it again?" I ask Ranger yet again. He has just been released from the hospital, though you'd never know it from the way he looks. He's got his usual uniform on and some sunglasses.

The last two days are the hospital were… quiet. Calm. We didn't talk about our fight. Ranger seemed to have come to terms with the fact that I was going to be there whether he wanted me there or not. I'd done what I could to help, even talked him into pain killers earlier today. I'd brought him edible food, the weird cardboard stuff he likes and tried to help him up when he needed to go to the bathroom, though he refused every time. Seriously, you'd never know he was sick. He had worn black sweat pants and no shirt the entire time and other than the bandage and the occasional twitch of pain, he was as stoic as ever.

I hadn't gotten a hotel room yet, I'd been too afraid to leave. I'd showered yesterday in Ranger's bathroom. My neck has a permanent cramp from the damn arm chair and I haven't gotten more than an hour of sleep at a time in 2 days. Don't ask me how I'm so alert right now.

Now we're headed to Ranger's hotel. Trust Ranger to be staying at a really nice hotel right by the beach in the Tampa Bay area. There is a valet and a bellhop waiting to assist us and take the car. Ranger steps out of the car, looking as in charge and intimidating as ever. No weakness. I follow him to the front desk where he briefly converses with the person standing behind it. They hand him two card keys. He then turns and motions for me to follow him.

When we reach the room, I'm taken aback. We're on the 10th floor and its gorgeous. There is the most comfortable looking king sized bed I've ever seen. Everything is crisp and clean, the carpet feels soft under my sandals. I step further into the room and am drawn to the balcony. I pull back the luxurious curtains and gasp. There is an incredible view of the ocean. The beach is right downstairs and there is a pool below us. Its spectacular.

I don't even realize when the bellhop leaves until Ranger comes onto the balcony and places a soft hand on my hip, stepping close behind me. "This is a great view." I tell him.

He nods but says nothing.

Oh boy, here comes the awkward part. I have no reason to stay, Ranger is doing fine and as much as I want to take advantage of the beach, perhaps I should get back to my life. I turn towards him. "Well, now that you're all settled I guess I should be—,"

"Come on." He interrupts and takes my hand.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I'm being pulled along.

"Lunch." He says. "I'm starving."

I've never been one to pass up a meal and I'm not going to start now. We go downstairs and walk away from the boardwalk. I protest against him walking but he shoots me a 'are you kidding me?' look so I shut up. We walk a couple of blocks before he pulls me into a restaurant.

We sit and the waitress comes and brings us breadsticks. "What would you like to drink?" she asks.

Ranger nods towards me.

"Coke please," I say to the waitress.

"Water for me," Ranger tells her. Of course.

We open our menus in silence. I'm hardly looking over it, I'm so tired. And hungry. And confused. And tired. In fact, I don't know what I am. By the time the waitress comes back I'm still in a half-zombie state so I get the first thing I see, which turns out to be lobster ravioli.

We have a nice lunch, talking about nothing in particular; skips, trenton, the best beaches on the east coast. We laugh quite a bit actually. Ranger is really funny when he wants to be. We settle into the comfortable friendship we usually have where conversation is easy and silences are comfortable and his presence is soothing. Then, when we're done, we walk back towards the hotel. I'm so full I'm hardly awake but the smell of the ocean is amazing. I gaze longingly in that direction for a split second.

The minute we walk back into his hotel room, I try to rub the sleepiness out of my eyes and go to Ranger's laptop. "Do you mind if I use this? You have wireless right?"

He's leaning against the door to the balcony. "Sure."

I wait for the thing to start up, and it does in seconds. "How come your laptop is faster than mine?"

"Because I don't open every spam email sent to me. Which reminds me, don't check your mail on my computer."

I roll my eyes, "I know better than to open spam... most of the time. Anyway, relax, I'm not checking my mail, I'm booking a flight. Your computer is safe."

He comes forward and pulls me away from the computer. "Later, you're dead on your feet. Why don't you sleep for a while?"

I ignore him. "How are you feeling? Maybe _you_ should nap instead. Sleep is the best medicine."

He grins. "Where did you hear that?"

"One of the nurses said it while you were sleeping."

"I'm not tired. You sleep."

I yawn and shake my head. "Thanks but I'm fine. All I need is a shower and then I'll be good. I still smell like a hospital." I survey the small bag I brought with me; I hadn't brought much in the way of clothes. "I only brought one other tank top and it's now dirty so I'm stealing one of your t-shirts." I tell him. "Hand it over."

"What if I say no?"

"Then I'll have to make something out of the drapes, a la Scarlett O'Hara. Don't think they won't charge you an arm and a leg for them when you check out."

Ranger laughs. He goes to his small suitcase and pulls out a clean black t-shirt.

"Thank you," I say with a smile when he hands it over.

The bathroom is as lovely as the room. Really, why can't my shower at home be like this? One day I'm going to get a house with a great shower.

I really thought the shower would wake me up but I'm more tired than ever. I'm barely walking straight when I step out of the bathroom and place my dirt clothes in a bag. Ranger, of course, notices this right away and pulls me into him and before I know it, I'm leaning against him. He cups my face. "You're staying. Go to sleep."

Like I have the willpower to say no. "Okay." I say. He leads me towards the bed, peels my jeans off and his hand moves up my leg, over my hip and settles on my waist. "Wait," I say groggily. I don't really know how to string sentences together at this point. "What about you? We agreed I'd leave you alone when you were out of the hospital."

"Forget about that. I don't want you to. In fact, I'm making it mandatory. This is part of your RangeMan services."

"You're nuts."

He cracks a smile, "That's what they tell me." He suddenly kisses me on the lips. Its nothing intense, no tongue, just sweetness. "Sweet dreams, Babe."

--

My eyes slowly open and its dark out. For a second I forget where I am. I feel a body in bed next to me. I reach out and touch Ranger's warm skin and it all comes back to me. At my touch, though, he swings and arm around me and pulls me to him.

"Babe."

Unwillingly, I melt against him. He smells amazing, he _feels_ amazing.

I find myself wondering how long it will last this time… or if I'll survive the disappointment.

--

* * *

--

The next two days we spent lounging on the beach. Ranger asked me to stay since he may need some help, though he admitted it grudgingly. I agreed. I hadn't brought many clothes at all, so we went shopping. Both for him and me.

Shopping was a blast. We were walking along the boardwalk, going into boutiques that would catch my eye. Honestly, I never expected him to buy me clothes, but he sat patiently while I tried on clothes. When I would exit the fitting room, he'd usually have the wolf grin on his face. This time was no exception.

"What do you think?" I say as I pull the curtain back and show off the designer shorts and cute blouse.

There's that grin again. "Sexy."

I blush, "You know its not fair that I have to try stuff on when you don't."

"I don't try on clothes."

I roll my eyes and go back in the dressing room. When I come out, he takes the stuff from me and purchases it before I get a chance to object. "Thanks," I say. "You don't have to do that."

He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. "I know."

Ranger is recovering so quickly. He doesn't take the pain killers ever and he doesn't wince anymore. He has an appointment with the doctor in a week to take the stitches out, but I half expect him to just pull them out himself at this point.

We're walking again and Ranger stops to answer his phone, which is buzzing. I leave him to his conversation and stare at the window to another shop. There is the most beautiful dress on the window. Its an aquamarine, Grecian style dress, long, flowy and sleeveless. The neckline comes really far down but is held together beautifully by the same fabric draped across the middle.

"See something you like, Babe?" Ranger's voice catches me off guard. He's looking at the dress also.

I shrug, "Its very pretty." I loop my arm in his and turn away but he doesn't budge.

"Do you want to try it on?"

I roll my eyes. "Where do you see me wearing that? To the next distraction job maybe?" I say sarcastically.

He doesn't say anything but lets me lead him away. In the end, I have quite a few new clothes and some shoes. I have no idea how I'm going to get them back to Trenton in my tiny canvas bag but whatever.

We have pizza, laugh a whole lot through dinner, then its on to the beach. The water is warm and the sky is setting and Ranger's arms are around me and everything is perfect.

The next few days are spent the same way. We laugh a lot, we talk even more. Somewhere along the way Ranger stopped being scary and I got my best friend back. He opens up a bit more about his life and his family. He's one of the youngest in his family and according to him growing up with four sisters is no joke. I told him neither was growing up with Grandma Mazur. We visit the aquarium one day, which was pretty big and kind of neat. We spend a lot of time on the beach. I try not to focus too much on the times he puts sun block on me… dangerous territory. At night we usually fall asleep wrapped up together.

We avoid talking about Trenton or going back. Well, at least I do.

The night before his check up, we're watching a movie in bed. My head is on his shoulder and his fingers are tracing circles on my back. We're both half asleep and I can barely keep my eyes open. Instead I turn off the TV, and kiss his cheek. He responds by kissing my lips and pulling me towards him. His hands are roaming… his breath is hot on my neck… oh _God_…

"Stop," I say breathlessly.

He kisses me with a lot of tongue and I grasp onto him. "Why?" He asks.

"No strenuous activities for another week." I mumble, repeating Dr. Evans' words.

Ranger groans. He kisses me once more on the lips, hugs me close and we both doze off.

And then it happens. I was half asleep and think I'm dreaming when I say it, "I love you." I'm dreaming. I'm sure I didn't say that out loud. I'm dreaming.

The next morning everything is different. I can tell immediately because when I wake up, Ranger isn't in bed. I start to get up and he's by the dresser, already dressed.

"There's coffee." He says shortly. "We have to leave in an hour."

"Sure." I say nonchalantly and make my way towards the bathroom. Whatever disappointment I have, I swallow it. I knew heaven wouldn't last forever. It's time I face reality.

I take a long shower, shampoo and condition my hair and shave my legs. The best way to look like you're confident and nothing bothers you is to look damn good, although not like you're trying. Just effortlessly pretty. So that's what I do. I make my hair behave and put it up in a ponytail, with curls cascading down the back. I apply a little bit of make-up, mostly just mascara, some liner, some blush and cherry lip balm. I put on black shorts and a tank top with wedge sandals and make my way out of the bathroom. "I'm ready to go," I say, not looking at him.

"Good." He says, though he looks at me for a second longer than he means to, I can tell. "I returned your rental car the other day, so we're taking a cab."

We make our way out, not touching. When I trip over my own feet on the way out of the elevator, though, he catches me, steadies me, holds onto me for an instant, but the promptly lets go.

At the hospital we're seen right away. Dr. Evans checks his handiwork. "I'm shocked." He says. "You've healed quicker than I could have anticipated." I wasn't surprised, Ranger is Batman. "I'd say you'd be back to normal in about a week. Do you feel any pain?"

Ranger shakes his head once. "No."

"Good. Well then let me remove these." He carefully removes the stitches, shakes both our hands and then we're on our way.

"Are you hungry?" I ask Ranger on the way back to the hotel.

"I'm good, Stephanie, you don't have to nurse me anymore."

I roll my eyes. Great. "Just asking, jeez."

He looks at me and for an instant his expression softens. "I didn't mean to jump on you."

I pause, then ask, "Is that an apology?" He shoots me an almost smile and I can't help but grin back. "I swear, your mood swings are worse than any pregnant lady I've ever met." Then again, I'd only really hung around two pregnant women. Valerie _was_ intense though.

Ranger's lips tilt up at the corners. "Yeah, well. I get cranky when I can't work out."

"Well give it a couple days, you'll be able to soon."

"Soon isn't fast enough. I'm losing muscle mass."

I roll my eyes, "Doesn't look like it from where I'm sitting."

The 200-watt smile spreads across his face. "You think I look hot?"

"I didn't say that."

"Not in so many words." He says.

I shrug. "Whatever. You look... fine."

"Fine?"

"What are you, Narcissus incarnate?" I say sarcastically, "Fine, you're hot. You're damn sexy! Happy now?"

Ranger laughs, "Ecstatic."

That night he lets me get close again. He kisses me like a man possessed, like he can't get enough of me... like he loves me. And I reciprocate. I get lost in him, in his skin, in his touch. We would build up to an incredible pace, then slow down for really passionate love making. Sometimes we laugh, but mostly moaning and crying out melt into one. There are a few earth shattering climaxes and then blissful rest, tangled up in each other. In the minutes before my eyes crash shut for the last time tonight, I feel him kissing my fingers, my face, my eyes. I burrow into him, getting as close as possible, memorizing the feel of him as he holds me close.

--

"Steph, last night was great," he's saying to me over breakfast, "and don't get me wrong, I want to do it again, but you should probably head back to Trenton."

I nod. Once again, I knew it was coming. I needed the Ranger-induced orgasm and I was willing to risk certain heartbreak to get it. "Fine, I'll book my flight in a bit."

He shakes his head, "I've booked you one already. You leave in a few hours."

"Wow, sick of me already?" I mean it to be funny but somehow it doesn't come out that way.

He looks at me with his blank face in place. "Stephanie, I'm not a one-woman man. I can't come home to you every night. I warned you before, you get involved with me and you're likely to get your heart broken."

"I never asked you to. You assume that just because I care for you that I expect you to change your ways and propose to me? Get over yourself! I care about you. Big deal. You care about me too, you're just more of an ass about it"

He pauses, puts his coffee cup down and stares at me. "I like you, Babe. I'm not going to lie about it. Hell, I love you, its no secret. But I know you and I know what you want. I can't give that to you."

"You have no idea what I want." I stand up from the table on the balcony, put on my flip flops and head to the beach.

I stay there a long time, wondering why I bother with Ranger.

_Some friend,_ says a voice in my head. But despite the negative, the only times I've been truly happy in the past few years are when I've been with Ranger. There was a brief period of Morelli, but even that wasn't as much fun. The truth is that I have to figure out a way to be happy without him. What would make me happy?

_A house_, says that same voice,_ with a decent shower and a yard. And a better shower head massager._ The truth was, I like some aspects of my job. I like chasing skips and bringing them in. The stalking and the Burg rumors were the problem. Somehow, with Ranger, those things hadn't been an issue ever. I have to be more independent.

But for all the times Ranger had taken care of me, I figure we're now even. Well, perhaps not completely even, considering how many cars of his I've totaled and all the times he's rescued me, but seeing someone through a tumor and possibly cancer has to have some merit.

The sun is starting to set as I make my way back to the hotel and I'm leaving in only a couple of hours. I buy another bag from one of the shops in the hotel (a ripoff, by the way) since I have more stuff now. I need to pack and hopefully clear the air between Ranger and myself, but when I get up to the room, he isn't there. There is large envelope with my name on it and when I open in, there is the boarding pass and all the flight information. I pack my 2 small bags, which is much more difficult now because of all the shopping. I've just slipped my shoes on and grabbed my jacket when I hear the door. "Ranger, I'm—," but it isn't Ranger.

At least, it isn't _just_ Ranger.

In comes a pretty girl, with one leg wrapped around Ranger's torso. For a second I'm floored. When she sees me, she stops for a second and looks at him.

"Thought you'd be gone by now." he says with a shrug as though there is nothing wrong.

"Going now." I say, averting my eyes. I grab my small suitcase and make my way out of the hotel.

--

* * *

**Don't hate me. It gets better. I promise.**


	2. Part II

**Part II**

* * *

"Lula, if you can't get cuffs on Clark Handler, just call Tank. He'll help you out." I say to Lula over the phone.

"Girl, he all greased up. You know how Tank don't like it if they're all greased up."

I sigh, "Just bribe him with some chips or something. He's high, he'll go for chips."

"You sure he's high?"

"It's Clark, he's always high." I hang up and go back to my stake out. I've been following a pretty large skip this time. More dangerous than the ones I usually go for, but more money. And believe it or not, it's a lot more fun.

In two hours, I see him pull up to his house, at which point I call Tank for back up.

I'd call Ranger, but why invite drama into my life?

"Be right there, Steph. Don't go in without us." He says.

But of course I don't listen. Its not that I have a death wish, it's that I'm impatient. It's been over a month since Ranger came back from Tampa, which was two weeks after I got back. Since then, I've been avoiding him. Not because he's an ass, which he is, but because I simply want my life to stop revolving around him. We greet each other as usual and no one knows we were in Tampa together. No one even knows he had surgery. No one knows anything.

Except me. I know a few things. I know my life has to get better and in order for that to happen, I have to make it better. I have to get better at my job in order to reach my goal. I know what I want now, it's more of a short-term goal but it's a goal nonetheless.

It was Valerie that really got the idea in my head. It happened a few days after I got back. I hadn't seen anyone, I'd gone to work a few times but that was it. I stopped thinking about Ranger altogether. It was like shock therapy, every time I thought about him, I got a stabbing pain in my heart so really, and it worked out well. I'd stopped. I went after skips, some a little bigger than I probably should, but I caught them all and in record time. I avoided dinner at my parents house (well, actually, I've been doing that for a while now, but whatever). In my apartment, I avoided calls and didn't get out of my pajamas for two days.

A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts a couple days after I'd returned from Tampa. I unfolded myself from the couch and opened the door, not bothering with security measures. It was Valerie. She had brought the girls.

"Aunt Stephie!" Mary Alice threw little arms around my waist and hugged me tight. I felt the familiar ball of tension building in my throat and there was now moisture in my eyes.

I had avoided seeing the girls. There was something about me that didn't want to subject them to the mess that is my life but now that they were here I scooped them both up in my arms, holding them tight. "Hi girls." I whispered.

"The girls wanted to watch a movie with you, Steph." Valerie had said, letting herself in. "I thought it was a good idea for you to see them."

I glanced at her as the Angela pulled DVD out of her little purse. "Can we watch this here? We even brought popcorn." She asked.

"OK."

Without another word, we all sat down in my living room to watch The Little Mermaid. Valerie and I on the couch and Angela and Mary Alice on the floor. Mary Alice had her head resting on my legs. About half an hour into the movie, she had fallen asleep. "You know, Steph, I think it's time you got out of this place." Valerie said softly, as if she were afraid of the reaction to her words. "You've been holed up in this place for a long time. Do you ever clean?"

I shrugged.

"I… um," she paused for a second, "I miss you."

I looked up at her and she looked so sad that I hugged her. "Val… I can't explain it… I miss you too. And the girls," I felt my eyes get wet, "I just… God, everything is just so screwed up. I don't know how to begin to fix things."

"Fix what?" She asked, pulling away and searching my face.

"My _life_, Val," I'd said in a desperate whisper, so as not to wake the girls. "I'm so… things are… I _hate_…" My throat clogged up and I hated myself for it.

Valerie hugs me again. "Sshh. It's alright, Stephanie. We'll figure it out. I promise, it'll be okay." She said as I sobbed into her shoulder. It all came out. All the tears my pride had been too stubborn to let me shed for close to a month at the time, it all came out. I told Valerie almost everything. I told her I'd gone away and met up with Ranger (she didn't know why or for how long, so I was still keeping my promise) and what happened and that I needed my life to be mine.

"You know what you need?" She'd asked though it wasn't really a question. "A project... And to get out of this place for a while. If you hate it here, go somewhere else, but do something. You have to. Forget Ranger. Forget Morelli. Forget the Burg. Just do what makes _you_ happy."

It was the first time in a long time Val had played the part of the big sister. She hugged me and let me cry for a while and it had helped.

So yes, that's when it all clicked. Since then I've gotten better at my job. A little tougher, a lot faster and a bit smarter. Sometimes a bit reckless but whatever.

Believe it or not, I still do distractions for RangeMan, but really, its part of the goal. I need to make enough money for the actual emphasis of my goal.

Relax, you'll find out soon enough what it is.

So anyway, I'm here at the skip's house and there is no one in there but him. I know this because I've been watching the house all day. I'm hungry, cranky and sick of being in my car. I get out and knock on the door. The man himself answers. "Can I help you, sugar lips?"

I nod, "Yes, you can. May I use your phone?"

He sighs, "No. Get out of here!"

But before he can close the door, I have my stun gun in hand and I zap his wrist. He crashes to the floor like a ton of bricks.

Easy enough. The tough part is getting him to the car. No worries. Tank will be here soon to help me out with that. I cuff him, though, in the mean time and I'm sitting on the front step with him when Tank arrives. "I thought you weren't going to do anything 'till I got here?" He asks sternly.

I shrug. "I never agreed to that."

We get the skip into my car and Tank follows me to the police station where he waves and disappears. If I had a bit more muscle, I wouldn't even need Tank.

By the time I get back to the bonds office to give in my body slip, there is a black SUV in the lot. I feel the familiar stab in the heart and instantly hate myself for it.

I go in, say a quick hello to everyone, including Ranger and hand in my body slip.

"Tank says you jumped the gun on this guy," Ranger says, nodding towards the body receipt.

"I got him just fine. It's no big deal."

Ranger surveys me for a full minute and steps closer to me. "You'll want to be careful, Babe."

I look at him and give a small insincere smile. "Thanks, but I'm fine. So the distraction tomorrow night…"

Ranger shakes his head. "Never mind that. Forget it."

I raise my eyebrows. "Oh? Did you get him already?"

"Not yet, but it turns out we don't need you after all. Thanks, anyway." He leaves.

Lula and Connie are still fanning themselves. "My God he's hot. He's so hot."

Lula turns to her. "Connie, you gotta get yourself one of Ranger's men. They are just as hot."

Discussing the hotness of Ranger is not something I need right now, especially since I haven't been with a man since that one glorious night with him. "I'll see you guys later," I say to them.

--

* * *

--

The next night, I'm bored and restless. Since the distraction job was cancelled, I'm free so I call Lula.

"No can do, White Girl, I'm singin' tonight. You gotta come hear me sing tonight, though girl, I need me an entourage." She says. "Me and Sally Sweet's band gonna be playin' at that club, Sticks, tonight." Sticks is a bar downtown, it was decent but it wasn't my scene. Too loud. I didn't think it was Lula's scene either.

"I didn't know you and Sally still played together."

"Well, we do. Only this time, we leavin' yo granny out of it. She's nice, but those outfit she wears… I can't sing and throw up at the same time."

I laugh. "Alright, I'm there. What time?" I get the information from her. "See you then."

I have time to kill so I clean up my apartment, shower, throw on skinny jeans, a black tank top with a very low neckline and high-heeled boots. The curls in my hair are behaving miraculously well tonight. I throw them up in a cute half ponytail and throw some studs on my ears. The usual ritual of putting on make-up seemed extra mundane tonight, so I ignore the tube of mascara and just went for eyeliner and lip gloss.

But on a second thought, a jersey girl can't go out without mascara.

I decide to call a cab, since parking downtown is a nightmare in that area, plus the more drinks I have, the more I'm likely to enjoy Lula's singing.

We pull up to Sticks and there is a line, but as soon as I pay the cab, I hear Sally behind me.

"Hello, gorgeous!" He's swapped his usual drag-queen attire for a more sensible dark jeans and black shirt. "Oh your ass looks amazing in those jeans." He said loud enough for all of Trenton to hear.

I blush and mumble, "Shut up." as he escorts me inside.

"She's with us. We're playing tonight," he tells the guard, who looks oddly familiar, though I can't seem to place his face with a name or where I know him from. "You have to see our set tonight, its pretty killer. I feel bad leaving your grandmother out of it. Do you think she'll mind."

"I won't tell her," I assure him.

Once inside, Sally goes off to prepare while I find an empty booth. A waitress comes over and takes my drink order as I wait for the show to begin. When she comes back with my gin and tonic, I hand her my card but she shakes her head and leans down to talk in my ear. "It's been taken care of." She says and turns to point at a man at the bar.

And _wow!_ It's pretty dark in here but I can tell this guy has bad-ass written all over him. He's got slacks and a button down shirt on, which I find a little weird for the type of bar we're in, but whatever, it works on him. Plus he has a few buttons undone at the top which let me catch a glimpse of his chest. He's got short light brown hair that's a little longer in front, so it falls in front of his eyes and a little mischievous tilt to his lips as he looks at me.

I smile back and mouth "thank you" from across the room as the band sets-up.

He's exactly what I need tonight. I hot, no-strings-attached fling.

The lights on the stage come up and the band files on. There aren't that many people in the crowd but I clap supportively anyway.

A half an hour later, Sally and Lula are on their third song of the night and the guy I'm with is sitting with me at the booth, along with two of his friends. They look a little sleazy but I'm too buzzed to care right now. At least my guy looks good. I don't normally drink too much but lately I've been letting myself do it a bit more… life's short, right?

"Do you want another?" He asks, nodding towards my now empty glass. What was his name again? Oh that's right, David.

"Um, sure. Thanks." I respond. He nods at the waitress to get his attention when I see someone familiar sitting at the bar. I squint my eyes to get a better look and sure enough Jeanne Ellen Burrows is sitting there looking in our direction. Who knew she went out? Especially around here.

I turn my gaze back to the band, Lula was now gyrating on stage and it was… well, entertaining. David scoots closer to me in the booth. "They're interesting, right?"

I grin. "Very."

"Are you into this type of music?" he asks, scooting a bit closer once more.

I shrug, "I know the band. So I guess you could say I _have_ to like this music."

He laughs and put his arm around me just as someone puts the drink down at our table. I'm expecting to see the waitress but instead it's Jeanne Ellen.

"Hi." She says with a small smile. "Can I join you guys?"

David looks from her to me, then to his friends, who shrug. One looks very interested. "Well, sure."

She looks at me. "Actually, Stephanie, can I talk to you for a bit?"

David turns to me. "Do you know each other?"

I shake my head, "Not really. What's up Jeanne?"

"Outside," she says in a way that is more a command than a request, which is more than enough to set me off.

I cut my eyes to her coldly. "Look, I don't know why you're here or what business you have with me, but whatever it is, leave it on my answering machine. I'm taking the night off."

David snorts and pulls me into him. "Whoa, you got a mouth on you! I like a wild girl."

Jeanne Ellen looks away from me and sighs. "Stephanie, I'd _really_ like to see you outside for a minute."

"Jeanne, I'd _really_ like you to leave me the fuck alone."

David grins at me before turning his eyes back to Jeanne Ellen, "Maybe you two should settle this another time, eh? We're watching her friends perform."

It took another minute to get her to go away. I can't say I wasn't curious as to what she wanted with me, but I really wasn't in the mood tonight. Actually, these days I wasn't ever in the mood for bullshit. After a couple more songs, the band left the stage to a surprising round of applause and the DJ took over. As soon as Lula comes out I hug her. "You were… really good." I lie.

She smiles, "I think I was really on my game tonight. Did you see my dance moves? I was looking hot."

I nod. "Lula, this is David."

Lula shakes his hand and squints at him, "don't I know you from somewhere?"

David looks suddenly uncomfortable. "I… don't think so." He says with a slick smile.

_Ugh, if he turns out to be one of her ex-customers from her hooker days then this ends right here,_ I think to myself.

I don't have time to dwell on it because before I know it he pulls me out to dance. I've had enough drinks in me to not mind that his hands are all over me. I'm actually starting to enjoy it. It's been a while. He's a bit grabby but an alright dancer. He's close and I'm hot... his hand moves to my butt and pulls me closer. I'm swaying numbly to the music and I feel David lean in, about to kiss me when we were interrupted.

I recognize the smell of Bulgari before I actually see Ranger step in between us and address David. Over the loud music, I can't really hear what he's saying, all I know is that I'm pissed! Who was he to interrupt my night. First Jeanne Ellen, now Ranger. What the hell? I tap him angrily on his shoulder and he ignores me, so I kick him.

I know, not that smart. Whatever.

He spins around and the look in his eyes is enough to make most people wet their pants, me included, but the alcohol has made me a bit braver. I don't really understand what happened next all I know is that fists had started flying.

Fists were flying everywhere and I stood back in shock as I watched Ranger throw David effortlessly across the room, his eyes black with anger. A couple feet away, Tank is easily knocking out one of David's sleazy looking friends while Bobby is doing the same to another one. David, who has gotten his head knocked into the wall by Ranger, is having trouble getting up, but in the time it takes Ranger to stalk over to where he is, two other leather wearing, sleazy guys grab him and run with him out the back of the club. Ranger says something into a walkie and I know some more merry men are ready for them.

Jeanne Ellen, who is standing in the corner, had stood back and let the guys do all the work, walks up to Ranger and says something to him in soft tones, leaning in a little more than I'd like, but then again, Ranger isn't mine to keep tabs on. I don't want to watch. I suddenly understood what was happening. This was a stakeout. And Jeanne Ellen had taken my place and been the bait.

Ranger lied to me. There was a stakeout, he just doesn't want me with him.

Just when I thought he couldn't disappoint me anymore.

Everything is already too much and that Ranger had traded me in for Jeanne Ellen is just another thing I don't want to dwell on. Not here.

I wave goodbye to Lula, who is standing wide-eyed near the stage and slip out the front, past Ranger's SUV and his men and walk down the street to get a cab.

I don't hear anyone coming up behind me and I give a small yelp when a hand comes out and spins me around. Its Ranger and he doesn't look happy.

"You want to tell me what the _fuck_ you think you were doing tonight?"

The venom in his voice makes me want to run and hide. But somehow I find the courage to be angry with him. "What are you talking about?"

"David Lawrence got away. Two of my men were hurt when they got hit by the Escalade that came to pick him up. So I'll ask again, Stephanie, what the _fuck_ were you doing?"

"I wasn't doing anything, I went out with my friends after _you_ lied to me and traded me in for a new toy."

His eyes are black with anger. "Don't toy with me. You knew that was Lawrence!"

"I didn't know David was _that_ David Lawrence." I snap at him, "How was I supposed to know where you were going and who you were after? Its not like you ever tell me anything."

"You saw Jeanne Ellen there, you knew she was there with me. You should have backed off when you saw she was after him."

I shake my head, "I saw no such thing. How was I supposed to know she was following a skip? When do I ever see Jeanne Ellen? Its not my fault he liked me."

Ranger's hands are rolled into fists. "He's a _killer_."

I throw up my hands. "Great." I say sarcastically, "I don't know how else to tell you I didn't know that. Am I supposed to walk around afraid of everyone who comes up to me in case they're wanted for murder? Maybe I shouldn't leave my apartment at all from now on. Would that suit you? I'm sorry your skip got away, but you know damn well that if it wasn't me, it would've been any other girl at that bar. Would you be chasing them down and screaming at them if it had been? Or are you just lucky I'm around to take _your_ screw up out on? Is that what I am now?" I'm looking him right in the eye as I shake my head. "My how the mighty have fallen. I used to be entertainment, guess I've been demoted to scapegoat."

He stares at me, his blank face in place, but I know him well enough to see that there was something going on behind it.

"Yea, fuck you, Ranger." I turn away from him and continue my walk down the street.

He grabs my wrist and spins me around again. "Don't walk away from me."

"Why not? You do it to me all the time, and I'm not going to settle for being you emotional punching bag or whatever." He starts walking back towards the bar with me in tow. "Ow, stop, Ranger, let me go!"

I pull, trying to punch him with my free arm, but he catches my fist. "Quit it, Stephanie!"

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I'm tired, I'm not part of your bust or your team, I'm going home."

He nods, "Yes you are, but you're riding with me."

"I can find my own way." I say, still trying to wrench out of his grasp as we reach his truck.

"We've got a lead as to where Lawrence might be. I'm not letting you go and possibly fuck it up twice for us in one night."

The acid in his voice makes me recoil as though he's slapped me. As he opens the door, I look out and contemplate running, but who was I kidding, I couldn't outrun him and I was a too tipsy to really figure out away to escape him right now, so I get into the truck, silently. He shuts the door, says something to Tank and gets into the driver's seat.

I rub my wrists from where he'd grabbed them, since they were a little sore. "Did I hurt you?" he asks, glancing at my hands.

I snort humorlessly. "That's almost funny coming from you."

He's says nothing, and though I'm not looking at him, from the corner of my eye I see him staring at my wrists with an unreadable expression on his face. The silence is deafening.

"Babe." He says again after a minute, his voice a lot softer.

I say nothing. "Don't. You've said and done enough, don't you think?"

He drives in silence the rest of the way. I stare out the window, trying not to cry in front of him. I make it all the way to my place successfully.

Before the car is even in park, I jump out and walk quickly towards my building. Ranger exits the car behind me and catches up. I know it won't do any good to argue with him, and I don't want to be yelled at again. We take the elevator, standing as far away from each other as possible. We get to my floor, I open the door and he steps through first, checking the apartment thoroughly. I let him do his thing and go to the kitchen to feed Rex. Ranger joins me when he's done his inspection.

"All clear."

I ignore him, dropping a grape into Rex's cage and watching him gather it up and take it hastily back into his usual hiding place.

"Babe, you have—," his cell phone buzzes, cutting him off. He glances briefly at the screen before answering. "Talk."

I leave him to his conversation, going to my room and kicking off my ankle boots. I'm still numb from the whole ordeal, from his accusations, from his actions. _What happened?_ I ask myself as I walk into my bathroom and wash my face. The truth is I know exactly what has happened: he's grown tired of me. It isn't a surprise, not after everything. I secretly suspected it would happen sooner or later. He has found another girl to toy with, and I'm damn sure that Jeanne Ellen will give him a run for his money, something that is bound to keep him intrigued.

No, that's not what has me upset. I'm upset because I'm disappointed in him. He's let me down so much lately. He was supposed to be my best friend. He's supposed to care about me. I'm also so mad at myself because deep down, I still want him. Not just physically but yes, right now my hormones are in overdrive.

How's that for fucked up?

I towel off my face and go back into my bedroom, walking past Ranger who is leaning against my door frame. "We lost Lawrence." He says.

I can tell from his voice that he's angry, but its a much more calm and controlled anger than he had before. "Yea, well, it happens. You sticking around to kick my ass for that too? Maybe slap me around this time? Or are you actually placing blame where its deserved this time?" I don't want to test his patience and I really am upset about everything, but there is no way I'm letting him walk all over me without fighting back. Who does he take me for?

"I'd _never_..." he begins but he trails off.

I don't even bother trying to guess what's on his mind.

"Babe, its common knowledge that you and I are close. He might come after you to get to me." He takes a few steps towards me and touches my waist.

My reaction is instant. I'm angry and I'm hot and his touch and presence are making me hotter.

I hate myself for it.

I move away and go to my dresser to pull out a t-shirt, but the first one I grab is one of his. No way I'm wearing that. "You and I _aren't_ close. And he didn't even see us talking, he saw you and Jeanne Ellen talking and so did his goons. You should go to _her_ place and make sure _she's_ safe. Go screw with _her_ for a while." I pull out another shirt, turn to him and look him right in the eye. "I'm fine. It turns out I don't need you after all." I repeat his words from earlier but I don't know what I expected to see, maybe a wince or some sort of sign that they hurt him like they did me. But of course not. All I got was the blank face. Shaking my head, I grab some shorts and walk past him back into the bathroom to change.

He blocks my way. "I get that you're mad Stephanie. Sorry I got in the way of your grind tonight." He's so close. His voice is angry again but there's heat in there, too. "That's what you were after, weren't you? Some action."

His proximity drives up the temperature and suddenly I don't feel like playing anymore. I'm tired. Tired of his games, tired of the bullshit... tired. And horny. He gets his whenever he likes, so why shouldn't I get mine? I meet his gaze. "Yeah, it was. Are you willing to make it up to me?" I challenge.

A brief look of surprise flashes through his faces. "Stephanie..."

"Don't 'Stephanie' me. I'm not playing games here. I'm pissed and I'm hot so either put out or get out. You're not the only guy I can get it from tonight so quit wasting my time. What's it going to be?"

He stares at me for a full minute then grabs my hips and yanks me towards him. He kisses me hard but I pull my lips away from his quickly and go for his shirt. I want it off. I want us naked and I want him in me. That was it. No messing around, no loving gestures, just sex.

And he consents. The time becomes blurry and we claw at each other. He's on the bed and I'm on top and I'm running my tongue down his chest heading south. He hisses. Another minute and something in him snaps. Before I know it I'm under him and his delicious weight envelopes me. His hands are everywhere. He goes to kiss my mouth but I turn away, avoiding and moan into his collar bone instead. Ranger loves to kiss, and believe me I love to kiss him back but somehow, kissing his lips would be giving up too much. He has enough of me already. The sex is hard and satisfying and rough. All the anger I feel is out in the open as I scratch and bite. He pulls my hair and I scream in ecstasy.

When its over I'm breathing heavy and so is he. He pulls me into him and tilts my head up. He looks into my eyes and moves in for a kiss.

Again, I move away.

I put my hand on his chest and push myself away from his body. "Thanks. Now, you really should go check on Jeanne Ellen. Lawrence is more likely to go after her. Lock the door on your way out." I say to him as I walk to the bathroom, close the door behind me and turn on the water in the shower, not bothering to look back.

When I get out he's gone.

--

* * *

--

"Girl, you need some McDonald's bad." Lula says the second I walk into the bonds office.

"I'm not even hung over." I tell her.

She squints, "Oh, well then it must be me. Come on, I'm driving. You can fill me in on what happened last night after you left. Batman sho' looked pissed off."

I nod. "Fine. Give me a minute though." I turn to Connie who is flipping through a magazine. "Connie, what can you tell me about David Lawrence?"

Connie doesn't glance up from her article when she answers. "Wanted for murder in the second degree, bail was set for three million."

Three million! Holy crap! "Why did Vinnie even bail him out?"

"Why does Vinnie do anything? For the money, for the publicity." She finally lifts her eyes away from the page. "Why are you so interested? That file belongs to Ranger."

I nod, "I know, I was just curious. Can you print me a copy of his file, though?"

Connie sighs but agrees and turns to her computer, "I hate when you get that look in your eye. I give you fair warning; this guy is bad news. You don't want to know how the police found the guy he killed." She prints out a few papers, puts them in a folder and hands it to me. "Be careful. Don't poke your head around too much, let Ranger do this, he's good at it."

I nod and take the file from her. The truth is that something about David Lawrence didn't add up. He didn't _seem_ like a killer. He's a bit sleazy and he's probably not someone who's wrong side you want to get on, but I've met deranged killers before and this guy did not seem like one. My spidey-sense was tingling.

Plus I have to do something because I'm bored and I want to prove to Ranger that I'm not incompetent.

By the time Lula and I pull into the drive thru, I've finished telling her about what happened. Of course, I leave out the sex part. "Man, Batman has a real temper. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw you and Lawrence dancing together. I knew there was gonna be some trouble the minute I saw."

"He was just mad that I was interfering with his bust." I sulk.

Lula rolls down her window at the speaker. "I'll have a number two and number seven. Medium. With diet cokes." She turns to me, "What do you want?"

"French fries."

"That it? Girl, you need some meat on your bones. You look downright exhausted today. You're kinda looking ghost-like."

I shake my head. "Just the fries." The truth was that I felt like a ghost too. Last night I'd hardly slept, going over everything in my head. Not just the stuff with Ranger, but with everything. It used to be that sex with Ranger had me wearing rose colored glasses for days, but not this time. It was just an itch I'd scratched. I'm more than satisfied physically but his words before had made me feel incompetent. I know what happened isn't really my fault and that he's an asshole for blaming me, but I hate it. I hate myself for caring, too. I want to get back on track with my plan instead of wasting energy on him but I can't help it.

I can't help thinking that I used to be someone. Someone I _liked_. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to have goals, dreams… and the fact was that I've been slowly letting them slip away ever since I said yes to Dickie. No wonder Ranger doesn't like me. _I_ don't even like me.

I wipe away a tear before Lula has a chance to see it. Whatever, I'm working on it. I'm working on happy. And I'll get there.

Somehow, as we drive back to the bond office, I get to thinking about fear of dying. I was always afraid to die but the truth was, I believed in God and in an afterlife. Whatever follows this life had to be better, right? I flip through the Lawrence file. _I very well could die if I pursue this,_ I think to myself. But what the hell, right? If I succeed, I'd prove not just to Ranger, but to myself that I'm not pathetic, that I _can_ do something.

And if I died trying, well… who would really care anyway? My family, sure. And Rex. But they'd get over it. My mother would drink a little more for a few months and then continue her life, doting on Valerie and her kids. My dad… well, he might leave the TV set long enough to go to a funeral but that was that. Valerie would be sad but she would get over it and the girls would take care of Rex. They're young and they don't even know me that well, plus they'd love a new pet. Lula would be sad, but Tank would take care of her and she'd be fine in about a month. So would Connie. My name would become a rumor, a warning story for young burg girls as to what happens when you don't settle down with a husband.

And Ranger… no. He'd forget I existed in a matter of minutes.

No one would really care.

--

* * *

--

Three days later and I'm well into the Lawrence case. I hardly sleep, I eat only when my stomach demands it, gobbling down whatever is handy without actually tasting it. I let myself get lost in the case, following leads, asking everyone I can think of for information and watching for signs.

I'm well equipped this time, my gun is loaded and handy, as is my mace and my stun gun. The only thing I don't have with me was the tracking device Ranger had on me. I'd left that in my apartment, along with my car, switching mine with Big Blue instead. It was flashy, I'm not in Trenton anymore so no one knew who it belonged to. I followed a lead to a small town a few miles out of Trenton. I'm parked a couple doors down from the house I saw the guy go in and was watching through my binoculars.

_Bingo!_ I think when I spot David Lawrence through the window. Now the only trouble would be waiting for him to get out and getting him away from his friends, who didn't look like they'd be a fun gang to hang out with. I wait for a couple of hours before I see some guys get into a car and leave. I duck down as they drive by. David isn't with them.

Once again I look through my binoculars into the windows. Of the four I'd counted, three of them had gotten into the car and driven away, that meant that there was at least one in there with him. I don't know how long they'll be gone, but I realize an opportunity when I see one. I put on some lip gloss and mascara, change my top from a t-shirt to a low cut tank top, grab my purse and take a deep breath. I walk up to the house and knock on the front door.

One of the sleazy looking goons answers. "What do you want?"

"Um, is Stacie in there?" I ask innocently. I pull out a piece of paper with writing scratched on it, "This is 5317 Billson Street, right? I'm a friend. I know I'm early for the party but I wanted to help decorate."

"Wrong house."

"Wait!" I say, playing for time. I have to get in there. "I know this is her house. Look, I know she's still mad about the lap dance, but come on, it was one time and I was drunk!" I lie. "Besides, we're too close friends to let a guy come between us, right? I mean…" I look down innocently and back up and him through my lashes with a small smile on my face, "well, you know unintentionally, if you know what I mean." I give a small laugh.

The guy grins. "Who's there?" I recognize David's voice in the background.

"Someone who's lost," the goon answers back. "Look, sweetheart, I'm real sorry to turn you away, but I mean it when I say there is no Stacie here, as much as I wish there were. Do you need directions?"

I sigh, making myself look really sad. "Gee, sir, I'm so sorry. Would you mind if I used your phone? The battery died on mine."

"Sure thing, honey," he says, holding the door open for me. I step into the foyer and he gives me his cell phone. I dial Ranger's number and wait.

His voice mail picks up. "Hey, it's Stephanie" I say, keeping up my charade, "I'm at 5317 Billson Street in Levittown, but I think I wrote your address down wrong. Anyway, I'm here with two really nice guys, one of whom I _know_ you'd love to meet." I smile at the goon sweetly and give him a wink. "Can you give me a call back at this number? My phone is dead." I turn to the guy. "This number isn't private, is it?" He shakes his head. "Good. Well, give me a call back as _soon_ as you get this."

I hang up and hold on to the phone. "She always screens her calls," I tell the goon. "Do you mind if I wait for the call? She always calls back right away." He nods, smiling greedily and no longer staring at my face. Ten seconds later, the phone rings. I look at the number and it was private. "Hello?"

"Stephanie," barks Ranger.

"Hey Stacie!"

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Well I got lost looking for your place. Are you close by? Why don't you pick me up?" I grin at the goon again, "I've got someone here you _really_ might want to meet."

"Stephanie, what the fuck are you doing? We just ran 5317 Billson Street in Levittown. It's owned by an S. D. Lawrence. Is he there with you now?"

"Uh huh."

Ranger curses into the phone.

"OK, how long 'till you get here then?"

"I'm thirty minutes out."

"Sounds great! See you then!" I hang up. "Thanks for letting me used the phone," I make to hand it back to him, one hand on the phone, the other going back into my purse to grab my stun gun. I keep his gaze locked on mine as I step seductively closer and closer. "Thank you so, so much." I leaned in to him and then I zap.

The goon fell to the ground with a heavy _thud_. I give him another zap for good measure, turn him over and cuff him behind his back. Now it was David Lawrence's turn and I'd have to do it quick if I didn't want his other friends coming back and seeing me in the act.

I hear footsteps coming closer. _Damn!_ I think as I realize I'd have to hide. The foyer leads into a formal living room which was empty. As quickly as I can, I run into it and hid behind a large ornate armchair. I watch a pair of bare feet walk up close to me, but on the other side and spot the body on the floor. "What the f—,"

I reached around and zap the foot with my stun gun. Down this one went too. From my spot on the floor, I see David Lawrence's head hit the ground, his eyes closed. I reach out and zap him again. His body shakes and drool comes out of his mouth. Running out from behind the chair, I quickly turn him over and cuff him too. Just as I'd finished, another goon came out from somewhere in the house.

"Hey!" He yells, pulling out his gun.

I dive behind the couch as he shoots at me and I pull my gun out too, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I release the safety and point up. As soon as he comes into view, we both fire. A burning pain hits my shoulder at the same time I hear him scream and fall back. Ignoring the pain, I scramble up and see him struggling with the gun, lying face down on the floor. I shoot at his hand, making him release the gun and scream again.

"Please, don't shoot!" He says, putting his non bleeding hand behind his head.

I say nothing, instead I grab my stun gun as quickly as I can and zap him too. I make sure he was unconscious and looked in my bag for more handcuffs but I was out. I surveyed the three bodies on the floor and had and idea. Minutes later, working through the agonizing pain in my shoulder, I had all three goons handcuffed together in a circle. They were unarmed and unconscious.

Panting heavily from physical exertion, I check my watch. At least fifteen minutes until Ranger gets here. I decide to wait in my car, in case his friends show up. I look around, make sure there are no cameras or anything, then go back out to Big Blue. Lawrence's friends don't show up, but Ranger does, in record time. He shoots a brief look at the blue car I'm in, then he and his men break down the door, guns at the ready. I see them all stand around stunned for a moment, then the rest of the men scan the house. Tank, Bobby and Lester haul out the three unconscious bodies and I see Ranger come out holding the zip lock bag with their weapons in it. He casts another glance in my direction, but I can't read his expression from the distance.

There is no longer any need for me to stay. I'd done what I'd come here to do. So I drive off.

--

* * *

--

On the way home from the hospital I pick up a six pack. The pain killers are wearing off by the time I get home and I don't feel like popping any more pills, instead I go for booze.

I take a long, hot shower, wondering why I don't feel any better about myself. I hadn't died.

Why does that disappoint me?

Ranger hasn't contacted me in the five hours since the ordeal back in Levittown. He got what he needed. We're even now.

I towel dry my hair, throw on some shorts and a tank top and go into the kitchen, ignoring the pain in my shoulder, I grab a beer from the fridge. I turn on the lamp next to my couch in the living room, intending to watch some TV but don't turn it on. Instead I stared at the blank screen while sipping the beer.

_Now what?_ I find myself thinking. _What do I do now?_ I know the answer to that. I go on with my life.

My plan that had come from my endless talks with Valerie was to focus on the things that make me happy. I was happy when I saw Angie and Mary Alice laugh, so I make a point to see them more often. Now that spring is here and their school year is ending, I want to take them riding. I think about my mother's nags about marriage and my job. About Joe's incessant whining about our future together. I hadn't wanted to be a burg wife for him. _I don't want to be one at all… I don't even really like kids,_ I think as I take another sip out of the bottle. Well, I like my nieces, but only in short intervals, really. Kids won't make me happy. Being a burg wife won't make me happy.

I wanted a house. I've been taking bigger skips and saving up to get out of the burg. Nothing big, just something cozy with a lot of yard where I could have a dog. Somewhere outside the Burg.

I go to take another sip when I realize its empty. I grab yet another beer from the fridge and go back to the living room, this time sitting down in front of the old piano in my apartment. I haven't played in years. When I was little, my mom had forced me and my sister to take piano and dance lessons. Valerie quit both when she was 14. I continued dance into college, and even though I'd stopped playing, mostly because I got tired of hearing how happy it would make my husband some day, I still hold on to the old thing. I take a big gulp of beer and put it down, then run my fingers over the keys. It had been nice to have an out from the Burg world back then. Even if it had only been for minutes at a time, when no one was home, it was nice.

I'm lost in my own thoughts and I don't hear Ranger enter.

"Stephanie!" He says sharply to get my attention, snapping me out of my reverie. Apparently I hadn't heard him say my name the first two times either.

I jump and hastily wipe a tear from my eye. _Where did that come from?_ "What are you doing here?" I look around to the clock on the VCR. "Its late."

He ignores me but comes closer. "You want to tell me what you were thinking today? You could have died." He doesn't yell this time. He speaks quietly and in a grave tone. A sort of desperate anger.

_What would it matter if I had, to you or anyone else?_ I think.

I feel him freeze next me and I realize I'd said that last part out loud. _Shit_.

"What?" He asks in his most scary voice.

"I didn't mean it like that," I lie.

"Hm," is all he says.

I shrug, "You got your guy." I say quietly, "I fixed my alleged screw up earlier this week." I get up and lock eyes with him, "Do me a favor? Next time find another scapegoat."

I walk around him and deposit my newest empty beer bottle in the kitchen. He follows, going into the fridge, pulling out two more bottles and uncaps them both before handing one to me. "How bad is it?" He asks, eyeing my shoulder.

I take the beer from him. "It's fine."

"How long?"

"The bandage will be off in about a week."

"Will you need physical therapy?"

"No."

He nods gravely. "It could have been a lot worse."

"But it wasn't."

He puts down his bottle and stares at me. "Don't sound so thrilled." I say nothing in response. "Babe, once again I get the feeling you're on a ledge looking down."

I look up and his face seems deeply troubled. Again I say nothing.

He sighs. "I shouldn't have blamed you at the bar the other night."

Nothing.

Ranger reaches into his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to me. I recognize it instantly as a RangeMan check.

"What is this for?" I ask, not really looking at it.

"For today's bust." He pushes it towards me.

I push it right back. "I don't want your money. I don't want anything. You got your guy. It was your bust."

"But you were the one who found them, took them out and cuffed them up. You served them to me on a silver platter. You deserve a big cut. Hell, you should take the whole three hundred thousand."

I almost choke on my beer. "Wow."

"Well, what did you think the percent of three million was?"

I shake my head. "The money is yours. You were right, if I hadn't been there that night, Jeanne Ellen would've reeled him in for you."

He leans back against the counter. "I should've gone with my original plan that night. You're much hotter than Jeanne Ellen. Why don't you wear those jeans more often?" His tone is lighter and I know he's attempting a small joke.

I don't smile or answer right away. I don't want to play with him. I don't even look up. "Keep your money."

"No. Half is yours."

That got my attention. "Half? Isn't it usually ten percent of what you make?"

"You had a much bigger part this time." He puts his empty beer down on the sink and surveys the other empty bottles next to it. "You had all these tonight? Are you drunk?"

"No," I lie.

"You get drunk off of one beer and you've had four. You usually have trouble shutting up and you're not talking. Can you please tell me if you're alright?"

I shake my head. "I'm fine."

He is silent for a full minute as he looks hard at me, "Babe, I don't say this often, or ever really, but I really fucked up. I owe you—,"

"You don't owe me anything. If anything, I owe you for saving my life a million times in the past.

"There's no price for—,"

"Except clearly there is," I cut him off, "but I'm not going to be in your debt any longer. So let's just call it even, shall we?"

He nods. "Fine. The check is for one hundred and fifty thousand. The money will be in your account by morning. Don't do anything like that ever again."

"Sure." I responded automatically.

"I mean it, Steph."

"Right."

He's about to leave but he stops and turns towards me and pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry, Babe." He whispers in my ear. "I love you. I'm sorry things can't be different."

I know that I should be angry with him for saying it, but I want to let myself wilt against him.. just a little bit... I want to be wrapped up in his arms.

But instead I stay perfectly still as he hugs me. Stoic... numb.

He kisses the top of my head and then walks out the door.

I wait a full ten minutes before collapsing into my bed and pulling the covers over my head.

--

* * *

**Reviews make me smile.**


	3. Part III

**Part III**

**

* * *

  
**

Ranger left Trenton the next day. It's been a week. Maybe he's in the wind. Maybe he's living it up somewhere. It's no longer my business.

It turns out David Lawrence's friends were wanted also. RangeMan got an even bigger check for that, some of which went my way. I won't say how much but I will say that I insisted on no more than ten percent, which is smaller than what they wanted to give me. However along with the higher priced skips I'd been doing and the stuff I'd been saving up, I definitely have enough for my house and then some.

I keep skip tracing, and doing distractions but now I'm focusing more on me. Valerie and I go house hunting all the time, since the market is right for it. Unfortunately, I haven't seen one I love yet. We do this in secret because I don't want anyone knowing. Know more Stephanie Plum Burg rumors. No more stalkers knowing where to find me.

No more Ranger.

I make a point to see Angie and Mary Alice more often, now taking some of my new found riches to take them riding on certain afternoons. Mary Alice likes it a lot more than Angie. Usually it's me and Mary Alice riding while Angie and Valerie pet the small ponies. Despite my slight depression, I really look forward to those afternoons. I've also started attending dinner at my parent's house at least twice a month.

My grandmother has a new boyfriend. Three words: blue hair plugs. That's all I'll say about that, but really, would you even _want_ to hear more about it?

Earlier today, Valerie and I were gabbing mindlessly on the way back from the stables while the girls slept in the back seat when I lost track of where I was going and got us lost.

"I think you have to make a right somewhere," Valerie informed me as I headed down another unfamiliar road.

"Where? There's nowhere to turn around here."

"Are we even in Jersey still?"

I shook my head, "I think we're still in Pennsylvania along the border somewhere. If I could just find the main road again…" Valerie took out her purse and reapplied more hand sanitizer. "Valerie, you've put that stuff on like four times already. Your hands are clean."

"Horses are dirty and I have a baby at home. Can't be too careful."

I rolled my eyes. _'Can't be too careful'_ is Valerie's motto. She carries around a giant hobo bag crammed with first aid kits, hand sanitizers, maps, a compass, an EpiPen since Angie's asthmatic and allergic to a few things… in fact she makes sure everyone in the family has an EpiPen around at all times and numbers to the girl's doctors handy.

Sheesh.

"Oh, it's so pretty around here." She stated looking out of the window into the residential neighborhood we were driving aimlessly around in. There were single homes spread out within the wooded area. "These people have yards the size of a national park probably. Look at that fence, it goes so far!"

"Could you focus? I'd like to get back home at some point today. There is a peanut butter sandwich with my name on it waiting in my fridge." I said to her as I turned into another street that looked to be a dead end. It was a long cul-de-sac with more woods than houses. There were only three houses spread out in all the space. I sighed and went to make a U-turn.

She ignored me, "Oh, it's a shame, look at that house in the far end over there. It looks abandoned." She pointed at an old stone house with a many gaps in the tall dingy wood fence surrounding it. "Ugh, someone should really tear it down; it's totally out of place around here."

I surveyed the house in question. "I don't know, I kind of like it."

Valerie rolled her eyes. "You're kidding me."

"No really, if it was fixed up, it could be kind of nice. Cozy."

Valerie shrugged. "I guess. It might be too big to ever be cozy, no?"

She was right about the area; it sure was pretty around here. Quiet and the homes were a decent size; it didn't look like insanely rich people lived here with overly large houses. No, just pretty single homes with huge yards. I took a closer look at the abandoned house. It was pretty big, with a lot of yard around it, though the front was hidden with overgrown grass. And suddenly a thought popped into my head.

"Val, what would you say if I wanted to buy _that_ house?"

"I'd say I need to check you into a mental hospital."

I waved her words off. "No seriously, you keep saying I need a project to get me motivated, what better project? I could probably get a good deal on the house since it looks completely run down. I could fix it up and live here!"

Valerie looked at me like I was insane. "That's not a project, honey, that's a crazy commitment. I admit I haven't seen you this excited about anything since that time you thought you'd fly if you jumped off the garage but that didn't end well. Something tells me this won't either."

I ignored her and jotted down the address. We soon found our way back to the main road and back to Trenton. The house was only about 20-25 minutes away without traffic. A perfect distance.

So that was how it all started.

--

It's now a couple of days later I'm amped. I have already tracked down the owner, an old lady living in a Florida nursing home whose husband had passed away. She was hesitant to sell at first but after I told her I didn't want to knock it down, just fix it and live in it myself, she seemed a lot more gracious. She clearly had an emotional attachment to it. She agreed to sell it to me for such a bargain I squealed on the phone.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't want anyone to be able to find me. I don't put the house in my name; I place it under S. P. Mazur. Anything that had to do with the house I put under that name. That's what I signed on the contract for construction, which would begin immediately. Not much, just a few things. I got to work as soon as everything was set with the sale. I know exactly what I want. The house was a bit old so I had to have the foundation checked and reinforced, just in case. Some rooms are made bigger, some smaller, a bit of the layout is changed and I make it so more light enters. I have new windows and doors put in (bulletproof... just in case) I wanted everything fireproof. Can't be too careful, this is me we're talking about here.

The interior of the house that wasn't knocked down still held its old decor which was perfect for a colorblind senior citizen, but that was alright, I'd change it all soon enough. The hardwood floors were ruined in some places, so I had it all replaced; dark hardwood which was beautiful and elegant yet still charmingly homey. The kitchen was too small before and I would probably never use a formal living room (who really does?) so I wanted the construction people to knock out some walls and make some adjustments. I worked with the people at Home Depot and had a really nice kitchen designed to my own specifications (don't worry, I'll learn how to cook). My new kitchen has some pretty awesome looking exposed beams on the ceiling which I love and dark countertops and and island... it's going to be great when it's done.

Today I had some landscapers come in and clean up the yard, both the back and the front because the construction workers would be there soon and things would be easier if the grass wasn't as tall as the house. Once the workers were fixing the yard, the head landscaping guy evaluated the back and said that the wood on the deck in the back and the porch were rotted. I have to replace that.

There is so much to be done, but I find it refreshing to throw myself so indulgingly into something. I've never been one for interior design or architecture but I buy a ton of magazines and pull out pictures of the stuff I like. In the week before construction begins, I sit down with the contractors and landscape designers and tell them exactly what I want. For the house I want wood moldings, since the stairs have a really pretty wood railing and I want things to match.

I keep working on skips, with a bit more enthusiasm now. I don't really need the money, per se, but I have more expenses now. A lot more. The renovations were going to set me back a bit. Plus all the stuff I will need once I move in.

My social life has certainly taken a serious dive, though. No one but Valerie knows what I'm up to when I'm not working. Lester and the guys ask me from time to time, but I don't want anyone to know. This one thing belongs to me and not the Burg. Not to Ranger. Not to anyone. I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. I make sure when going to the house that I'm free of tracers, scanning my car and purse thoroughly.

--

* * *

--

It has now been few weeks since I'd bought the house and I'm doing a distraction job for Tank. It goes on without a hitch which is great. Another job well done. I notice that the guys are quieter than normal (that's saying something, believe me). Lester drives me home and is unusually silent. It isn't my business to pry so I stay quiet all the way back to my apartment. He walks me up and checks my place for psychos. These days psychos leave me alone. I guess it gets boring for them if they can't get a reaction from me. I shoot first and ask questions later these days.

Lester looks uncomfortable after he scans my apartment and my curiosity gets the better of me. "What gives, Lester?" I ask.

He looks at the ground for a minute. "Ranger's coming back."

I'm suddenly filled with a confusing mix of butterflies and dread. "Huh." I say before walking to my couch and collapsing on it. "When?"

"In about a week."

"For how long?"

He shrugs. "I don't think indefinitely but at least one whole week. He has some stuff to deal with here. He may go back. I just thought you'd want to know."

I nod and pull myself together. "Thank you. Thanks for telling me and don't worry I'm fine. I may go on vacation for a while, actually," I say, not knowing where that came from. "Suddenly it feels like the right time."

Lester's eyebrows shoot up. "Where you going? Somewhere with a beach?"

I shrug. "Maybe Point Pleasant. I'm not sure."

"Cool," he says, looking down again. "Look, Steph, he gave us strict orders to keep an eye on you. He's not going to like it when he finds out you ditch your trackers any chance you get. If you tell me what you're up to, maybe I can help let him know you're not in any danger."

"I'm not up to anything, I just like my privacy. I don't want Ranger being able to get a hold of me whenever he likes."

Lester nods. "I understand. Just thought I'd let you know. He'll probably pry."

I shrug again. "I doubt it, Les, he and I didn't exactly part on good terms. But if he does, let him, I've got nothing to hide." Can I lie or what?

"Good to know." He gives me a hug and leaves.

I let myself fall face down onto my bed. Ranger is coming back. Here I am, finally getting him off my mind for more than 5 minutes at a time and now he comes back. Great.

Forcing myself to take my mind off of Ranger, I realize that what my place lacks was security. Best to deal with that now rather than later. I don't want Ranger or anyone else finding my place and be able to break in. It's enough of a hassle here.

But I can't go to RangeMan. No way.

I search the internet for a good security agency in the area. I find a pretty decent one that has excellent reviews. The very next morning I call and they immediately have someone come out to the house to meet me.

It takes an hour to go over everything. I want a tall fence around the entire perimeter, a code at the front gate so only I can get in or let someone in, sensors on all doors and windows. I'd already gotten bulletproof windows and had the contractors install them, can't be too careful, so at least I was one step ahead. I place a rush order on everything.

Miraculously, only 5 days later, the fence was up and my house was secure. Thank goodness most of the construction is done, but I have a long way to go before the whole house is complete. There are a lot of landscaping issues to deal with, I have no idea what to do with the empty pool in the back, it seems like a lot of work to maintain a pool. And there is the small problem of furniture… I have zilch. Even though the kitchen cabinetry is done, not all of the appliances have been delivered. I'm still waiting on the fridge.

When I get back to my apartment the day before Ranger comes back, I survey the place. Nothing in here has good memories. I don't really want to take any of it with me.

I need new things. Things that aren't ugly and don't remind me of stalkers or Ranger.

That works well anyway, in case anyone decides to break in, all my stuff would be here; no one would know that I was moving. Nothing was in boxes, nor would it be. I'll ask my parents to care for Rex while I'm "away".

I pack two large suitcases, one with clothes and shoes, one with blankets and pillows, personal products and the very few knick knacks I'd like with me. I would be sleeping on the floor in my house and those new hardwood floors were hard.

At around 6, I go to dinner at my parent's house, avoid questions about where I'm going and deposit Rex before driving off to the house. I punch in the security code at the front gate, drive the short path to the garage, hit a button on my key fob to open it and drive in.

I hadn't surveyed my new home at night yet, and it was usually full of workers trying to get things done. I walk in through the garage entrance, drop my bags then run to the front to hit the code for the alarm before it goes off. I'll have to get that fixed... running franctically to disable the alarm everytime I come in from the garage isn't something I'm looking forward to doing on a daily basis. Looking around, I'm really proud of everything so far. The rooms are bare and the walls are all still white with primer since I haven't picked colors yet, but that's what this week is for; decorating.

I walk into the kitchen and run my fingers over the dark granite counter top and the light wooden cabinets. I'm in love. I would be more in love when I had a refrigerator I could pig out from.

--

* * *

--

The next day I wake up early and hurting from a night of sleeping on the hard floor. I have to do some furniture shopping _fast._ I stretch out, listening to all the bones in my back crack. Luckily the one part of the house that is pretty much done was my bathroom. Seriously, it's my favorite room in the house. It has a shower _and_ a whirlpool tub. There are aquamarine tiles on the walls, crisp white moldings, creamy white tiles on the floor, a white whirlpool bathtub with steps leading up to in. No joke, it really does have 2 wide steps. I'll have to get some candles to put on there soon like I saw in a picture. It's a very good size bathroom with two sinks and a large mirror and there is a separate door leading to the toilet which is great because… well, you know. The shower in the corner is bigger than my shower at the apartment but not overly huge. It's perfect. Soon I'd have to get a toothbrush holder and bath rugs and such.

But the master bath isn't the only great part of the master bedroom. The closet is also great. Before you walk into the bathroom, on either side of the tiny connecting hallways there were two doors. That's right, _two_ closets. I'm thinking I'll use one for shoes. I love my shoes and they need their space.

At 8:30 on the dot, there is a loud buzzing sound echoing around the first floor of my house; the front gate. I check the camera and let the landscapers in. They have their work to do and I needed to figure out my deal with furniture so I call my sister. "Hey Val," I say when she picks up, "Want to go shopping?"

I talk Val into scanning for tracers, just in case and have her come over. The girls stay with Albert today.

"The place looks amazing!" Valerie says when she walks in. "It's incredible! It looks completely different."

Valerie runs around the house checking every nook and cranny, "Stephanie, you need a refrigerator."

"It's being delivered and installed tomorrow. It was the earliest I could get it here. Hey, come upstairs for a second, there's something I want to show you." I lead Val upstairs and she glances around the three rooms, two bathrooms and a little loft area. No idea what would go there but whatever. I direct her into the first room on the right hand side; it's sunny with a great view of the back yard and has a cute window seat that I still need to get a cushion for. "What do you think of this room?"

She frowns. "It's white. I thought the master bedroom was downstairs."

I roll my eyes, "It is, dummy, but I want to know what you think of this room… I…" I pause, "I thought it would be cool if the girls wanted to stay here once in a while. Not often, just once in a blue moon, whenever. I might be okay with that if you are."

Valerie nods happily and hugs me, "Of course it's okay with me."

Another few minutes and we are off, leaving the landscapers to their work. We go to countless stores around the area. You name it, we go there; Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware, IKEA, Crate & Barrel and even some thrift shops where Valerie said I'd find "interesting" pieces. I buy a queen size bed with a padded white headboard, a cool dark wood dresser, some cool bed side tables and an aquamarine velvet trunk for my bedroom. Then I get a really comfortable sofa which is pretty and yet cozy and has a pull out couch, a wooden coffee table, some side tables and a big comfy red armchair, an ottoman and a ton of other stuff that is starting to all be blurred together after so many stores.

In the thrift stores I find some real treasures like a couple cool lamps, pretty jewelry boxes (I have no good jewelry yet, but whatever), and old cast iron mirror (no idea where thats going but Valerie wouldn't let up about it), some old paintings and a bunch of other little things to give my place some character.

After a lot of gruesome shopping and a lot of negotiating on delivery times, we stop at a restaurant for a late lunch. "So are you and Morelli definitely over?" Valerie asks.

I nod, "Oh yes, that's done. I'm sure Terry Gilman's having fun with him though."

"I can't believe he cheated on you. He said he wanted to marry you."

I shrug, "Yeah well I guess the apple didn't stray far from the tree." I take a big bite out of my burger.

"So, what about Ranger?" She asks cautiously.

"Ranger and I don't have a relationship anymore. He's gone, remember?"

"You told me he came back."

Sighing, I answer her, "For about a week. To be honest, I can't deal with Ranger anymore and he clearly can't deal with me. Not in the way I want him to."

Valerie doesn't say anything for a second. "You want to explain that?"

"He was very clear about what he wanted from the beginning. I don't know, Val, for a while there I really thought he loved me, at least a little bit. I didn't expect him to fall _in_ love with me, but I thought we were friends. Then he just starts cutting me out of his life and you should have seen how he started ordering me around and having me followed… Jeez, I was beginning to feel like a prisoner. And later..."

"Maybe he was just looking out for you. Maybe he _does_ love you. Maybe he wants to protect you."

I shake my head, "You don't treat the ones you love like that. You know what sucks the most…" I begin, suddenly unable to stop, "I had really begun to depend on him. Not just with cars and jobs and stuff like that, but for a while I really thought he was the only person who ever understood me. _You_ don't even understand me all the time."

She laughs, "True. We've always been too different. But anyhow, what changed with Ranger?"

"I honestly don't know. Somehow protecting me seemed to become like some annoying burden to him. Suddenly he was so angry about it, like an unwanted obligation. He changed. One minute he wants me and the next… I don't know. I don't care anymore. He most likely got sick of our flirting and found someone else."

Valerie is wide eyed, "Who?"

"I'm almost positive its Jeanne Ellen Burrows. I don't think you've met her, but anyhow, I'm pretty sure that's the case."

"Gosh, I'm so sorry, Steph."

I shrug, ignoring the uncomfortable pain in my chest. "I've dealt with it. The only thing I want is to be left alone. Really. I just want to be free."

The conversation was making me miserable, something I'm sure my sister picked up on because right then she begins talking about Angie's upcoming role in the school's spring performance.

--

When we get back, the landscapers were pretty much done with the front and the back for today. The patio is done, the porch is done and so is the back and front yards, the sprinklers are fixed and they've laid some stuff down on the grass to make it grow healthier or something. Maybe once the whole house is done and I have no other projects to finish I'll start a garden. But for now just the lawn is great. The only thing left is the pool which Mary Alice has begged me to fill in so they can come over and swim in the summer.

I bid goodbye to Valerie and say my farewell to the landscapers. Once again I'm home alone.

I miss Rex.

I go to my empty bedroom and frown at my sheets. None of the furniture is being delivered until tomorrow so it's another night of hard floors for me. Soon there will have to be a trip to a Bed Bath & Beyond store for the other necessities, my new bed won't be complete without new sheets.

It occurs to me that I haven't bought mattresses yet, so once my new bed did get here, I'd have nothing on it. I check my watch, the stores are still open so I head to the nearest Sears department store and test out some mattresses. I find a bargain on one really comfortable one and snap it up. The workers tie it to the roof of my car and I head back home, happy with my new purchase.

On the way, I call my answering machine at home and check my messages since I'd forwarded all my cell phone calls to that number. There is one from my mother, one from Lula and two from Ranger.

"Babe," is all the first one said.

_Man I wish he'd stop calling me that._ He probably calls Jeanne Ellen that too, or whoever else he was boinking lately.

The second is slightly less brief. "Call me, Babe."

Whatever it is he wants, I really don't want to hear. In fact I know he would ask where I am and that is one hassle I don't feel like dealing with.

So I ignore him.

--

* * *

--

_These damn delivery people!_ I think angrily. It's already 3 in the afternoon. My fridge isn't here yet. Who can live without a refrigerator?! Not me.

Plus my furniture hasn't been delivered yet and I have nothing to sit on. I've been standing for hours! This is ridiculous.

There are two new messages on my answering machine today. One from a telemarketer and one more from Ranger. "Babe, where are you? I know you're checking your messages."

How? _How_ does he always know?

I don't want things to get any uglier so I decide to call him. He picks up after two rings. "Babe."

"You're back." I say shortly.

"I am. Where are you?"

"On vacation. Did you need something?"

"On vacation where, Point Pleasant?"

I hesitate. "Maybe."

He doesn't answer for a second. "Keeping secrets, Babe?"

"No, just enjoying my privacy, I have a right to that, you know."

"I see." Ranger is silent. "We may need you for a distraction job. Tomorrow night. You available?"

"No. No work. That's why they call it vacation. Call Jeanne Ellen."

The buzzer for the front gate rings. The delivery people are here.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Microwave timer," I lie easily.

"You're really not going to tell me where you are." He says in disbelief.

"I really just want to be left alone."

"Fine. Have fun."

"Thanks. You too." I realize this may be the last time I speak to him. He's leaving soon and what else would we ever talk about? Our friendship or whatever we had is basically over. "Goodbye, Ranger."

It doesn't seem adequate but there it is. I hang up, put my phone down and go to let the people in.

--

* * *

--

A week later, I'm ready to return home. Somehow, I wasn't able to get Ranger out of my head too often. Before this last trip of his back to Trenton, there was always that little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me he'd be back, mostly because he felt he had to. But now… he owed me nothing and he knew it.

He got his wish and is now free of me.

Hurrah for us both.

When I get back to my place I check my messages. Ranger hasn't called, but then, I don't expect him to. I call Connie, who doesn't have any skips for me and then I call Lula.

"Girl, I am so glad you called." She says, "I think I heard some noises in Vinnie's office and I don't wanna have to hear his skinny ass getting some from a duck or something. Come pick me up."

I bring a box of donuts with me to the office, thinking it was the least I could do for Connie, since the poor girl had to stay and try to block out Vinnie's perverted sounds. But when I get there, both of them are pressed up against the wall listening. "What's going—,"

"Sshh!" They simultaneously wave their hands for me to be quiet as they listened.

"Did you hear it this time?" Connie whispers to Lula.

Lula nods, "I still say it's a dog."

"It can't be a dog, it meowed!"

"That don't sound like a meow to me; it sounded more like a 'baaahhh'."

"So it's a sheep?"

Lula clicks her tongue at her, "Girl, how he gonna get a sheep in here without us seeing it? I'm telling you its some kinda dog."

"Ugh!" I shudder in disgust, "Can we go, Lula?"

Reluctantly, both girls step quietly away from Vinnie's door. Lula goes to grab her purse and Connie goes back to the desk, but something in the window behind me stops her cold.

Only Ranger can put that mixture of fear and lust on a woman's face. "Look's like Batman's back from wherever he went."

I feel my heart pound heavily and my fingertips get cold.

I fight hard to stifle a groan. _Oh_ _crap_. He was supposed to be gone by now. "Didn't he go back to Miami? Did you know he was comin'?" Lula asks, eyes fixed on the window behind me. I shake my head. "Ooh, he looks damn fine… dangerous and deadly, but _damn_ fine."

Behind me I hear the door to the office open and I immediately feel him behind me. He hasn't touched me or even acknowledged me yet, but still the tingle on the back of my neck, as well as the skipping of my heart, makes his presence known to me…

"Hey, Ranger," Connie smiles politely at him as he comes and stands near me, "How's your trip back to Trenton been?"

He answers her with a curt nod of his head and a "Fine, thanks," before cutting his eyes to me. "Can I talk to you outside?"

I can't find an excuse not to fast enough and find myself nodding. "Be back in a sec," I say to Lula before following Ranger outside and into the alley. "What's up?" I ask casually.

He almost looks amused. "I could ask you the same thing. I get the feeling you're avoiding me."

I give him my most innocent look and shake my head. "Nope."

"Right," he looks doubtful, "Everything alright?"

I nod. "Yep." I'm trying my best to be evasive but then for a brief second I feel guilty about being rude. "How are you?" I ask politely.

"Well, thank you." He says with another amused expression. "You busy tonight?"

"Distraction job?"

"No. Dinner." He's being serious, I can tell as I search his face for hidden sarcasm.

"I don't get it."

"Babe, what's not to get?"

"Why do you want to have dinner? Is this about work?"

"No. I'd like to catch up."

_Bad idea_, I think immediately. The warning bells are going off in my head. _Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!_ You see this is just typical Ranger— he's pulling his favorite yo-yo in again. "Actually I have plans tonight." I say easily.

He studies me for a long moment. "Please, Stephanie." It's meant as a request, I know that and it's as soft as Ranger has been in a while.

"Are you going back to wherever you were soon?"

He gives a humorless chuckle, "Are you eager to be rid of me?"

I give him another innocent look. "Who me?"

"I may stick around for a bit."

A _bit_ could mean anything from a week to a year. Angrily, I instantly realize a part of me is happy he's going to be around for however long. A part of me wants him… I hate myself for it. "Well then we'll have another chance to catch up, I'm sure." I say vaguely.

"Don't sound so excited," he says as he reads my face. Gently he leans forward, closing the distance between our bodies until we're millimeters apart.

I'm already leaning back against a brick wall in the alley, so maneuvering out of this situation is difficult, especially since his scent is making me dizzy with longing. It's as though his body draws me in. Somehow, I manage to snap myself out of my momentary stupor and take a step to the side a second before he can lean in to kiss me. "Well, I'll see you around then." I say quickly and turn on my heel to head back to the office. I feel his eyes on me as I walk away.

--

Ranger took off when I was in the Bonds Office, and shortly after, Lula and I were off. First stop, Bed Bath and Beyond. "What are we looking for?" Lula asks as we pull into the store's parking lot.

I debate telling her the whole truth, but decide not to just yet. "Some new things for my apartment. I want to get rid of some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

I shrug. "Everything. I want all new things. I'm throwing everything out and starting new."

"Oooh, girl, I'm so glad. You're apartment is in desperate need of a makeover." And with that we were off in shopping land.

Retail therapy is amazing. In minutes I had put Ranger out of my mind and focused on new things for the house. We have so much fun. When it comes to bedding and sheets, Lula's philosophy is 'make your bed someplace you won't want to leave and no man will want to leave your bed in turn'. I get a couple sets of super soft sheet sets in various colors, a duvet, the softest jersey duvet cover you've ever felt and new pillows. Since my new bathroom was probably my new favorite room in the whole word, I get some get some pretty bath coordinates (toothbrush holder, soap dish, trash bin, that sort of thing)... I get a sophisticated looking set thats white with elegant beige leaves, but I can't help also getting a frog toothbrush holder. What can I say, I'm a kid at heart. Also, I stock up on the greatest towels in the world. I get a few of each size, choosing colors that would compliment and contrast my aquamarine and creamy marble bathroom, and others that could go in the other bathrooms as well.

Lula and I get in a bit of trouble when we get to the bathroom rugs because she starts taking them out of their neat stacks and laying them on the ground, takes her shoes off and tests each one. One of the store attendants eyes us. "Ooh, this is nice," she says putting her feet onto a large fluffy orange rug. "You gotta put your feet on this. This is like stepping on an orgasm."

I laugh and slip off my sandals. "Nice." I say.

She reads the tag on another of the same set. "It's Turkish cotton."

"Is that better than Egyptian cotton?"

Lula nods seriously, "Don't you know all they got in Egypt is sand? They wouldn't know softness if it bit them in the ass."

I laugh. "And I suppose people in Turkey are all about softness?"

"Haven't you ever touched a turkey? They're ugly but soft."

I shake my head. "Your logic astounds me." I take out a cream colored set, a white set and a fun ocean colored set of the same brand and place them into our cart, which is starting to look very full.

Lula looks at me with a funny expression. "Girl that blue/green set won't go into your bathroom. That has a lot of ocean hues and your bathroom is brown and orange. Don't nothin' but neutral colors go with that. Hell, not even all the neutrals go with that."

"I might paint it." I lie, looking at more colorful ones for the girl's bathroom upstairs.

Lula buys it and continues to help without comment.

When we get to the kitchen and dining section, I only mean to get dishes and glasses, but my debate on the color of a tea kettle brings about an argument about having matching appliances so we get those.

"Lula, I don't need a mixer."

"But its blue. It goes with your eyes. There's a coffee maker _and_ toaster in the same color." She argues.

I look at the mixing machine. "It's a light teal kind of blue. My eyes are not that color blue."

She clicks her tongue impatiently. "Well you don't want it to match your eyes _exactly._ Its better this way."

I don't get the mixer, but do put the coffee maker and toaster into my cart because who can live without either of those. Certainly not me. We get some cool really big mugs, which I can picture myself sipping hot chocolate out of in front of the fireplace… if I ever risk lighting it. I get some pretty basic glasses and a set of beer mugs (another necessity). We even go a little crazy in the kitchen gadget department, picking up things and questioning what they are. A set of knives, a couple pots and pans, some mixing bowls and a couple other items later, we go to the check out where they ring up our overflowing cart of stuff.

After I pay and we get everything loaded into my car, Lula begins her interrogation. "So you wanna tell me what's up with you and Batman?"

I sigh. "Nothing. There is nothing between Ranger and me." Is it me, or do I sound a little more depressed than I'd like about that? Shouldn't I be over it by now?

Lula chooses not to comment. "Okay, then, you wanna tell me why you bought all this stuff that won't fit into your apartment?"

I sigh again. "I just wanted some new things."

"Uh huh." She clearly doesn't buy it, "Try again, miss thing."

We are stopped at a red light, so I turn to look at her for a second before turning my eyes back onto the road. "I bought a house."

Lula's eyes are wide, "You bought a house?! Girl, how long did you think you were gonna keep that from me?"

"As long as possible, I guess. Look, Lula, I just don't want anyone to know. It's not in Trenton; I just got it exactly how I wanted it. I'm keeping my apartment for a while, okay, so please, just don't say anything."

Lula huffs, "Girl, you know I won't say nothin'. Not even to Connie. Not even to Tank."

"Good. Thanks."

"Seems to me like you been needin' a change for a while now. I'm glad you finally getting on with that. Don't you worry about a thing, I won't tell nobody. Not even Tank."

I smile sheepishly. "Thanks." We are silent for a minute. "You want to see it?" I don't know why I asked, but suddenly, I feel elated to have someone in on my secret.

Lula grins, "I thought you'd never ask."

I laugh. Turning the car around, we drive out of Trenton. Lula keeps commenting on how pretty the neighborhoods are as we get closer and complaining that there are no McDonald's near me. "How do you expect to get any nutrition if you ain't get fast food near you? You'll starve. Your skinny ass can't afford to starve. What are you going to do when you have a hangover? You won't be able to get your cure. You'll just have to stay hung over for days." When we get to the security gate at the house, I punch in the code and wait for Lula's reaction when she finally sees the outside of my house.

She gasps when the gate opens and is wide eyed as I drive up to the front, deciding not to go in through the garage this time. I'd rather her see it the way it's meant to be seen.

"Girl!" she exclaims, running out of the car before I even put it in park. "It's freakin' gorgeous! It's the perfect size, too."

"You think so? It's a little big for just me, actually, but I love it," I smile, looking up at the house. I'm so proud at seeing it completed. Well, completed on the outside anyway. The stone facing the house has been expertly cleaned, there are new shutters to accompany the new windows, the porch has been fixed, stained and looks very inviting. I'll have to get some chairs or maybe a porch swing to perfect the image in the front.

I explain to Lula how I came upon it as I open the front door. "It was a bargain, since it was abandoned. I just had to have some things done, but they finished construction on it not too long ago. I went and bought some furniture with Val about a week ago, but its still pretty sparse in here, I have the basics, but it doesn't seem at all lived-in yet... plus I've hardly unpacked anything that I bought. It's all sitting in a corner." Lula steps inside, taking in the place with wide eyes while I disable the alarm system.

"This place is fan-freakin-tastic!" She says as she walks through the foyer into the almost empty rooms, eventually stopping in the living room. "I love it, but you need some more stuff in here. Like a rug. And a TV. And some place to put a TV. Oooh girl, check out this fireplace." She stops in front of the stone fireplace and frowns, "Is it safe for _you_ to have a fireplace? I don't want you burning this place down tomorrow."

"Relax, I'm not going to light it." I say with a roll of my eyes. "I was going to wait until everything was done to buy furniture, but I couldn't sleep on hardwood floor anymore. I know I still have a long way to go." I say as I follow her into the kitchen.

"Now this is a kitchen!"

I laugh, "I know, I love it. I even promised myself I'd learn how to cook." I give her a tour of the rest of the house, ending upstairs in what I think is going to be a room for Mary Alice, Angela and Lisa. "Come on; help me unload the stuff in the car."

We unload and unpack. Lula decides that the white bathroom rugs look best in my aquamarine bathroom and the pale purple bedding is best for the master bedroom for the summer season. She helps me place things around the house and when we're done, she looks around. "Much better, but you still need more stuff. Are you bringing anything from your apartment?"

"Nothing except the piano."

She shakes her head is about to say something when her cell phone rings.

"Hey honey," she says into the receiver and I knew it was Tank. "I'm shopping with Stephanie…. Yea, we'll be at the office soon, honey, you can pick me up there. I'll call you. Bye."

I look at her as she hangs up. "I take it our shopping trip is over?"

She nods, "I gotta go home to my man."

--

* * *

--

After I'd dropped Lula off after shopping the other day, I felt too emotionally sore from my encounter with Ranger to go back to my apartment so I packed a few clothes and such and went to the house for a couple days. I'd call in and see if Connie had skips for me before heading back to into Trenton. I stayed there for another four days, waiting on furniture deliveries, painting, doing more shopping, and occasionally going out to find a the very few skips she had for me. The house was actually starting to look lived in, kind of. I still have a couple completely empty rooms, but my bedroom was done. It was painted, carpeted, furnished with bed side tables and a dresser to match the bed side tables and a turquoise painted wooden chest at the foot of the bed.

On the fourth day of my departure from Trenton, my cell phone rings with a familiar ring tone I hadn't heard in a while; Ranger's.

I debate not answering it at all but my curiosity wins. "Hello." I say picking it up.

"Where are you?"

I ignore his question. "Did you want something?"

He doesn't answer me for a while; I think he's hung up when he finally speaks. "Have you been kidnapped?"

I roll my eyes. "No."

Another long pause. "Are you too busy for a distraction job tonight?"

Caught off guard a little at his request, I agree. "What time?"

"We should get there at around eleven."

"Okay, where—,"

He cuts me off, "I'll pick you up wherever you are. Where are you?"

I ignore his question again. "I'll be at my apartment in a little while. You can pick me up there later."

He hangs up.

_That man needs to be taught some phone manners_, I think to myself as I go to the bathroom to shower and change. It was still early so I have time to take a warm bath and try to relax before going back into Trenton to meet Ranger. I bathe, shave and exfoliate, dry my hair and throw on some clothes before driving back to my apartment.

Ranger's presence in Trenton is electrifying. When I'm at my house, I feel as though I can escape it, as though I'm safe. But here… it's confusing. And slightly intoxicating. Its giving me urges that my shower massager can only take the edge off of.

I'm bored the minute I get back and decide to take a trip to the Bonds office to visit the girls.

Connie smiles at the donuts in my hand. "Bless you," she says as she reaches for them.

"You look strung out." Lula says.

I shrug as they both analyze me. "She needs to get laid." Connie says finally.

"No I don't!"

Connie barely glances up from her doughnut. "I call 'em like I see 'em. I've had that look on a couple of occasions. She needs a couple rounds in the bedroom with Ranger."

"No. I don't." I repeat indignantly.

Lula shakes her head. "Connie's right. You need to get some action. It'll ease you up. Look how jumpy you are. If not Ranger, there are other guys."

Connie nods. "I can set you up with someone if you want. A real nice guy. My cousin Mark."

I shoot her a doubtful look. "Is this your cousin Markie Galiano, the band geek?"

"Trust me; he's not a geek anymore. He's in construction now. He's nice. You'd like him."

"I don't need a 'nice guy'. I don't want a relationship. I want one night."

"So you admit it!" Lula says.

I ignore her. "Thanks guys, but no thanks." I say my goodbyes and head back to my apartment where I look for an appropriate distraction outfit.

I put on a black wrap dress that had long sleeves but shows a lot of cleavage and pair it with red heels. I'm just touching up my make up when I hear the locks tumble in the living room. _God forbid he should knock_, I think to myself as I hear him take footsteps towards the bedroom.

"Ready?" He's dressed in his usual uniform of black on black. His arms are crossed over his chest and his face says he means business.

I nod, forgoing any kind of greeting. "Sure."

Fifteen minutes and one silent car ride later, we pull up to the club. He doesn't volunteer to tape the mike onto me as usual; instead he just hands it to me and gives an order to keep it out of sight. I tape it to my bra and listen to instructions along with the rest of the team: Tank, Lester, Bobby and Hal are all present for this mission. Once orders are given, I head into the club and spot the target alone at the bar. _Looks simple enough,_ I think to myself.

It was easy to get his attention, but harder to get him outside. After one dance where he seems to have sprouted another set of hands, I finally talk him out, but he has other plans. He pulls me into the bathroom, roughly, while I protest.

"I want to do this here." He whispers, pushing his lips onto mine.

I push him off me. "Sorry, I don't do sleazy club bathrooms. We can go back to my place."

He shoves me back into the bathroom wall… hard. "I said _here_!" he demands, groping me all over again. I struggled against him managing to knee him where it counts. "Bitch!" He lifts his arm and I can't move out of the way fast enough before he backhands me across the face.

The next few seconds were a blur as Ranger burst into the bathroom and throws him across the room in one swift movement. Tank comes in and there is some more scuffling about before Ranger comes to me. "Did he hurt you?" He looks me over as I lean back against the bathroom wall.

I reach a shaky arm behind my head, onto a sore spot from being thrown against the stone wall. "That asshole. I'm fine, I've been hurt worse."

He nods silently. "I'll take you home now. The guys will take care of him."

I watch as Tank walks the now bloody-faced man out of the bathroom.

The drive back to my apartment is as quiet as the one to the club. Ranger is in his zone and my head hurts too much to even notice. I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Ranger had gotten out and opens the passenger door for me. "Thanks," I murmured as I step out of the car. I miss a step and fall, but Ranger catches me half way, holding me up.

"You alright?" He asks a little huskily. He's so close, I can smell the Bulgari on his skin and it's intoxicating.

I straighten up immediately. "I'm fine." I eye my car, contemplating going back to the house. It's that long a drive, maybe 20 minutes…

Ranger seems to follow my gaze. "Going somewhere?"

I snap my eyes away from my car. "No." I say a little too quickly.

"Back to Morelli's? Rumor has it you guys are done."

"We are." I don't know why I volunteered the information. "I'm not going to his place."

He raises an eyebrow. "Someone new?"

I cross my arms across my chest. "It's none of your business."

He ignores me. "Is it?"

"What does it matter to you?" I ask angrily.

He pushes me up against the SUV, "It matters a lot to me," he says as his body is pressed against mine. "You seem to have a certain misconception about me and my regard to you. If you're with someone new, I'm not going to stop you; however, I am going to have to know who he is. You can hate me and you can avoid me, but that's a reality you're going to have to deal with."

I watch him leave before going into my apartment and taking a long shower. I take some aspirin for the headache, throw on some sweats and decide to head back home. My head is filled with Ranger and my apartment provides me no escape from the thoughts. I'm too frazzled to stay here tonight; all I want to do was curl up in my big comfy bed and sleep.

On the drive I let my mind drift to Ranger. I can't get a read on him anymore, and what makes it all worse was that I have somehow lost him as a friend. I can't count on him anymore, I can't call him up and talk to him, not that I did that much before, but it had felt like there was some sense of comradery. There had been a lot of sexual tension, too, of course, but I'm pretty sure that we had been friends first. And now… Nothing.

_I miss him_, says a voice in the back of my head.

I ignore that last thought. No more heartbreak right now.

As I'm driving I'm thinking I need to invest in a better shower head massager at the house when I notice a black car following me a few places back. "Dammit!" I cry out and pull over on the side of the road. I get out of my car and wait.

Ranger pulls up behind me and gets out.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shout at him.

The almost smile was on his face though I'm somewhat less than amused. "I was curious."

"Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of torturing me?"

"No."

"Then?"

He's silent for a few moments. "You hit your head and you're tired. You shouldn't be driving."

"Go home, Ranger."

"And just what do you plan on doing if I don't?"

I sigh and put my head in my hands.

"Babe, I'm going to find out eventually."

I look up at him, "Why? What if I am going to some other guy's house now? Would it bug you?"

He shrugs, "Yes. But at least I'd know where you were and that you were safe."

"Funny," I say bitterly, "You seem to choose the oddest moments to care about my well being."

"I care about your well being at all times, Babe." He says seriously.

"Right. You make sure I'm physically alright enough for you to toss around but mentally you could give a shit. You're happy when I'm good and miserable, just on the verge of jumping off a cliff. I'm no fun until you get me to that point, right?" He closes his eyes briefly and I can tell I've hit a nerve. "That's the game isn't it? Screw with Stephanie… your favorite pastime. Guess what? I'm sick of it. Go fuck with someone else."

A muscle moves in his jaw. "Babe," he says in a softer voice than I imagined he would. "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

My eyes snap up to meet his. "What?!"

"You're running off late at night, no one knows where you go, you disappear for days at a time and you have that look. I'm going to have to go with the obvious here. If you were in trouble you'd tell me, right?"

My eyes narrow as I glare at him, "Isn't that a little hypocritical? You run off for months without anyone knowing where you go."

"That's different."

"The hell it is! No, I'm not in trouble, and no, if I were you'd be about the last person I'd turn to." Well, okay maybe not the last, but it can't hurt to exaggerate to make my point_._ "Leave. Me. Alone." I get into my car and drive off.

--

* * *

--

I'd ended up not going to the house that night, which pissed me off to no end. Ranger had stopped following me but I couldn't be too sure. Instead I'd gone to the apartment and let angry tears fall from my eyes.

The next day I'm sitting in my car, watching the house of a skip when my phone rings. It's a number I don't recognize and I brace myself for the worst.

"Hello, Stephanie?" says a deep voice I don't recognize.

"Speaking."

"Stephanie, its Mark Galiano, from high school. How are you?"

_Damn_, I think. Connie had given him my number. I'd have to talk to her about that later. "I'm good. How are you?"

"Pretty good." My goodness his voice had changed. I seem to remember a much squeakier higher pitch version of it. "Actually, Connie said you might be interested in going out. I have to admit, I had a huge crush on you back then. I'd love to take you out sometime if you're available." I hesitate for a second and he notices. "I won't pressure you if you don't want to, but please, just one evening. And if you hate it, you can throw the contents of your water glass on my face and I won't take offense."

I laugh. "What about soda? Can I throw soda on you?"

He chuckles. It was deep and kind of sexy. "Yes, soda too. No milkshakes, though, they're too messy. But you can throw Jell-O at me if you feel the need to."

"Jell-O? Where are we going out to dinner, at an old folk's home?" I say with a laugh.

"Is that a yes?"

I pause. "Well, okay. I guess we can go out."

"Great!" He sounds genuinely excited, "Is tomorrow night too soon?"

"Tomorrow night is great." I gave him my address. "See you then."

And just like that, I have a date for tomorrow.

--

Wow! Markie Galiano went through the greatest transformation. He's tall, slim with some muscles hinted at by his button down shirt. As I sit across from him at El Vez, a cute restaurant right outside of Trenton, my hormones are making it hard to focus on his words.

"I really thought you had no idea who I was," he's saying. "It took me the better part of two months to work up the nerve to talk to you and even then I only asked you to borrow a pencil. I hated myself for days after that because my voice cracked when I talked to you."

I smile. "I remember that."

He hangs his head in mock shame. "Ugh. And here I am bringing it up again."

"Don't worry, we all did some pretty embarrassing stuff in high school."

"Oh really, you have some stories?" He asks with a wicked grin.

"Oh no, buster, no embarrassing stories on a first date." I say with a laugh.

"Oh come on, just one."

"Hmm…" I take my time, "Well alright. I pretended to be Johnny Silver's girlfriend so that his parents didn't send him to a catholic boarding school for being gay."

"That's not embarrassing, that's sweet. You're a good friend."

"I haven't gotten to the embarrassing part yet. When his parents found him making out with some guy, they called me, sat me down in their living room and explained the situation. They offered to set me up with their other son under the condition that I not 'turn him gay, too.'"

Mark's laugh starts off as a chuckle and then grows. His nose scrunches up when he laughs and makes me laugh too. Soon we're both wiping tears away. "Stop it!" I say in between fits of laughter, "It's not funny."

"I beg to differ," he says.

We have a really good time and when we've had dessert, he takes me home. Like a true gentleman, he opens my door and walks me to my apartment. We stop at my front door and I turn to him.

Now, don't misunderstand, I _need_ a hot night in bed, but I really like the way things went tonight and I'm not feeling like rushing things. Besides, I'm not _that_ hot for him yet. It'll grow into that, I'm sure, if I let it, but not now. It's a new feeling… being wanted.

"Well," I say. "Thanks for walking me up."

"It's not a problem. I thought it would be the best thing to do since I don't want you to throw soda in my face the next time I see you."

I chuckle, "No worries. I had a good time. I'll keep all beverages in their rightful places for now."

"Good to hear." There is a small silence and then he says. "Well, goodnight, Steph. I really hope we can do this again soon."

"Me too. I had a lot of fun tonight." I say with a small smile. I look at him for a minute longer than I need to and he seems to see all he needs to see in my face.

He puts a gentle hand on my waist and pulls me in, bringing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. I kiss him back, putting the arm that isn't holding my clutch around his neck and let myself fall into his kiss. It's sweet, gentle, loving and as it intensifies I feel the beginnings of butterflies in my stomach.

As we settle down, he seems to be in a daze. "Wow." He says. "The fifteen year old boy in me is jumping for joy right now." I laugh. "I'm going to go home and do a do a couple back flips. Have a goodnight, Stephanie." He goes in for another quick kiss and I let him.

I watch him leave then open my door and go into the dark apartment. For a second a let myself lean back against the door and contemplate the current things I'm feeling. For the first time in a long time, I'm downright giddy. I feel like a kid again, you know, when you're young and you get a crush and a goodnight kiss seems like the biggest deal in the world. I'm almost tempted to pull out my diary from when I was a kid and write _'Dear diary, Markie Galiano and me went to first base tonight'_.

I snap myself out of my haze and try not to smile as I walk back towards my room.

But then I turn on the light and yelp.

"Ranger!" I yell.

He's standing against the wall with his arms crossed over his and a somber expression on his face.

He says nothing.

I say nothing.

But, already, just by being here, he's ruined my night. Where I was elated 10 seconds ago, now I feel anxious. Where I was giddy, now I'm cautious. Where I was excited, I'm…

Still excited. But a different excited. A much darker, more confusing excitement.

"What are you doing here?"

He holds up an envelope. "Check. For the last job."

I nod. "Thanks. You could have just left it."

"So you've replaced Morelli, I see." He says.

I shrug. "Maybe."

He raises an eyebrow, "From what I heard that was some kiss."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not polite to eavesdrop?"

He ignores me. "You let _him_ kiss you then, just not me."

"I like him."

"And you don't like me, is that right?"

I shrug again. "If you were me, would you like you?" He says nothing. His silence, his entire presence is frustrating me, and this time I let him know it. "What's the matter? Isn't this exactly what you want?"

Ranger's eyes are hard, cold. "It's better for you not to be attached to me." He says it to me but it seems as though he's saying it to make it true.

"Well there you go. You got your wish. Are you leaving now? Or was there more to that?" I ask icily. "Oh right, I forgot. You don't want me attached but you will take the sex whenever you can get it, right?" I drop my purse on the floor, feeling more anger and courage than I thought I had in me, and start unbuttoning my shirt. "Alright then, let's go."

"Stephanie." He closes his eyes. His hands are balled into fists.

"Come on, it's a win-win situation. I'm not going to pretend I'm not attracted to you. Hell, I'm wet for you right now." I step closer to him as I undo another button, never dropping his gaze. "What are you waiting for, Ranger?! Don't you want me? Or is it not fun for you unless you're sure you can leave me pining after you once you move on to some other tramp?"

"Stephanie!" Ranger stalks forward and pulls my hands away from my top as I try to remove it. "Enough." His voice is sharp and frightening as he ushers his command.

"My mistake." I say defiantly through gritted teeth. "I thought this was what you wanted."

"_This_ is not what I wanted. I—," he stops, he's glaring at me. His face is all hard lines and blatant anger.

Except there is something in his eyes. Something I don't exactly recognize. Something I don't want to see there.

Something I haven't seen in a long time. Behind the severity of his face there is a trace of the old Ranger, of my friend Ranger… _my_ Ranger. There are also hints of doubt and confusion and bitter sorrow.

I shut my eyes to shield myself from it all.

There is a long beat of silence where he's holding me roughly so I can't move. We're so close I can hear his heart beating and I'm sure he can hear mine. My neighbors can probably hear it as it's beating so hard.

I risk opening my eyes again. The anger on his face is gone. There is no blank face, either. No severity, no hard lines. He's looking at me through _my_ Ranger's eyes.

The moment comes where I know he's going to kiss me. I know he wants to: I want him to, too.

But I don't let him. I turn my face away and close my eyes a split second too late to shield myself from the misery in his eyes caused by just a slight turn of my head… my obvious rejection.

_No!_ I think to myself as I feel the beginnings of remorse. He doesn't deserve it my remorse. And _I_ don't deserve this either.

Angrily, I say "Thanks for the check." I wrench myself out of his grasp and he lets me go. As I walk back towards the bedroom I mutter, "I'll see you around."

I don't wait to watch him leave.

But he does.

--

* * *


	4. Part IV

**Part IV**

* * *

"You just need to stop thinking about it and do it." Lula says to me as she helps me paint the upstairs hallway. I've gone on one more date with Mark and am currently wondering why I do not want to jump his bones. He's very attractive, sweet and his voice could melt chocolate, so I'm really not seeing the problem. Besides, my last encounter with Ranger left me in such a state that even my shower massager wasn't taking the edge off.

"I can't, I've told you. I don't want it to go too quickly. I might really like him." I tell her as I reach up with the roller.

She huffs loudly. "Girl, you are on the rebound. You're not supposed to 'really like him' when you're on the rebound. Everyone knows that."

I shake my head. "I broke up with Morelli ages ago. I'm not rebounding anymore."

"Not from him, from Batman. You were all kinds of hung up on Ranger." She pauses for a second. "You still kind of are. No way to get over a man better than to sleep with another one."

"Ranger and I were never together."

"Mmm hmm." She rolled her eyes. "From what I can tell that's precisely the problem. That man is hot for you but he's not ready to back it up. It's just too bad you're all in love with each other. If you weren't you'd have a pretty good relationship."

Well if that didn't just sum it all up. "I'm not in love with Ranger."

"You keep telling yourself that." She says without missing a beat. "You say it enough times and it'll come true."

We paint in silence for a while and when the second coat is up we finally relax. "Ugh, my arms are killing me."

"_Your_ arms? You have skinny little arms to hold up, imagine holding up my big bountiful woman arms. You owe me some food. You have anything in your fridge?"

"What fridge? It hasn't been delivered yet."

"Damn. Well, we're going to have to look around for a McDonald's. Come on, white girl."

--

* * *

--

Today I'm talking Mary Alice and Angie horse back riding again. Valerie had to stay home with Lisa, so I picked the girls up, buckled them in and am now driving out to the stable while the girls singing along to the music.

"Can I ride Silver today, Aunt Stephanie?" Mary asks.

"Silver is too big!" Angie says, "The trainer says he hadn't been tamed right yet."

"But he's so pretty!" Mary exclaims. Silver is a relatively new addition to the stable. He's big, white and when we first saw him, he was a little wild.

"He's a menace!"

Mary sneers at her sister, "You only say that 'cause you're afraid of him!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am—,"

"Girls, no arguing. We'll ask the trainer about it when we get there. Angie, do you want to try to ride one of the big horses today?" She'd been riding ponies the entire time we've been going to the stable. I'm working on getting her over her fear, but it's been a slow process.

Angie shakes her head, "No, thanks."

It has been two weeks since my first date with Mark now. Since then we've been to the movies, to a carnival, and out to dinner a few times.

No sex yet.

I'm getting frustrated but really it's my fault. I'm the one putting a hold on everything.

When we get to the stable, Angie goes right for the ponies with Carla, one of the stable hands while Mary Alice and I check out the bigger horses. She's a bit disappointed that she won't be able to ride Silver today but she gets over it quickly and jumps in anticipation when Steve, the trainer, begins to saddle up two horses.

My phone rings and my heart jumps a bit at the ring tone. "Yes?"

"A couple of my men came down with the flu. I need some help." Ranger's tone softens, "Are you available?"

"When?"

"Well in about an hour—,"

"Can't today. At least not before 7." Mary Alice bounces in front of me grinning from ear to ear. "Hold on a sec," I say to Ranger. "What's up Mare?"

"They said I could pet him, but after he eats. Can we come pet him after our ride?"

"Sure thing. Go ask your sister if she wants to pet him, too." The words are barely out of my mouth before Mary sprints towards her sister. I grin and go back to my conversation. "Sorry. Where were we?"

"I'd like to go over it with you as soon as possible. Its for some security installations tomorrow. I'd need you to go to the houses with Hector. And I need your Burg input on some skips. The sooner the better. Can I come meet you?"

I pause for a second. "Can't I meet up with you when I get back to Trenton tonight?"

"It may be too late for one of them." He says. "Please, Stephanie?"

I guess there's so harm in having him come here, it's a public place. "Sure. I'm at the stables."

"There are stables in Trenton?"

"No, but there are stables in Pennsylvania right outside Trenton." I give him detailed directions and we hang up.

Half an hour later, I am riding alongside Mary Alice and Angie on a brown horse called Charlie. Angie is, of course, riding a pony and Mary is riding a brown and white horse called Cookie. I soon spot a black SUV parked in the lot in the distance. I scan around and sure enough, there is Ranger leaning against the stable door with his arms folded across his chest.

I turn us all around, much to Mary's dismay; though I assure her she can keep riding for another half hour with Steve or Carla while I talk to Ranger, so she calms right down.

"Hey," I say as soon as I'm close enough.

Ranger has the almost smile on his face. "Hey, Babe." He says. I begin dismount the horse and he starts to help me down.

I wave him off, "I've got it." I proceed to dismount on my own.

"Aunt Steph, I need to use the bathroom." Mary Alice says, already looking for a way to climb off the horse by herself.

I go over to her and help her down. "Do you want me to go with you?"

She shakes her head. "I've got it covered."

Angie decides to follow her and they leave me with Ranger.

"I never took you for the horse type." He says simply.

I shrug, "The girls like it." He has some papers with him and for a few minutes we go over the work for tomorrow and the skip bios. "Jerry Heller is a crook. He once paid a girl five dollars in middle school to show him her underwear, but instead he taped her and showed it to the whole school. He's still living with his parents."

"His parents said they hadn't seen him."

I roll my eyes, "Figures. His mom was oblivious to any wrongdoing on his part. She still thinks the sun rises and sets on his ass when really all he does is smoke pot in her basement. Go through the garage door. You'll find him passed out." I tell him as I watch Mary and Angie coming back towards us. Mary is looking wide-eyed at a lounging Silver. I see her ask Carla something. Angie stays pretty far back.

Ranger nods. "What about Frank Katz?"

"Is he still alive? I thought the heroin would've done him in by now."

"He jumped bail. Wanted for dealing."

"Well, I don't think you should have too much trouble with Frankie either. He's not the smartest guy you'll ever meet. Did you check his parent's house?"

He nod, "Yes, and his girlfriend's house and a couple other places. We're running out of time."

"You know, Mooner might know something. Hold on." I call Mooner from my cell and get some info. After about 10 minutes of getting him to focus, he gets me the information I want. When I hang up, I turn to Ranger. "He's at his sister's in Philly. But be nice to her, Beth's really sweet and she's been through a lot."

"Thanks, Babe."

I look at the folder in his hands, not wanting to look him in the eyes since the butterflies were already swarming in my stomach. "Was that it?"

"Pretty much." He steps forward and pushes a curl behind my ear. I force myself not to react to his proximity. "You'll come in tomorrow, then, 8 AM?"

I'm about to answer in the affirmative but Mary Alice draws my attention away from him for a second. "Aunt Stephie, look! He likes me; he's letting me sit on his back!" I turn and sure enough there is Mary Alice sitting on Silver's back without a saddle. He has reins on him and he was on the ground, so I step closer.

"Mary Alice, get off of him right now!" But as I step towards him, Silver stands up. "Mary! Don't move!"

Mary Alice struggles with balance a bit as Silver stands up, "Whoa, he's so much taller than all the other horses! I can see everything from up here!"

After that things were a blur. Ranger and I slowly approach the horse but Silver decides that he's under attack and takes off. "Mary!" I cry as Ranger pulls me out of the way before I get trampled. Silver makes a run for it, barreling out of the stable and out into the open. He keeps on going, Mary bouncing way too much on his back.

For a second I'm stunned, and I'm about to jump onto Cookie, the other horse and go after her, but Ranger beats me to it. In the blink of an eye, he climbs on the horse and takes off after Silver.

I watch with horror-filled eyes as he slowly catches up with them. I hold Angie close to my side and shield her as best I can, but she looks anyway. We see Silver far ahead and Ranger slowly closing the distance between the two. Finally Ranger and his horse catch up with Silver and he grabs the reins, stopping the giant horse. I watch as he picks Mary off Silver and put her on his saddle, in front of him. She is holding onto him for dear life.

The two of them, with the horses moseying along slowly, make their way back to the stable, where the stable hands and trainers rush them and apologize profusely, finally taking Silver away.

"Mary," I say as I lifted her out of the saddle.

"I'm sorry Aunt Stephie," she says with big tears rolling down her face. "I didn't know he would do that."

I sigh and hug her tightly, planting a few kisses on her face "You _have_ to be more careful. Are you alright?" She nods against me. "Okay then, go say thank you to Ranger and then get cleaned up, we're going home now."

She nods again and goes to Ranger. "Thank you, Mr. Ranger."

Ranger shoots her a small smile. "Sure thing," he ruffles her hair and her and Angie were off.

When they leave, I sigh. "God, Ranger, I'm sorry you had to—, thank you, I don't—," I pause and put my head in my hands. My heart is racing a mile a minute and I keep seeing Silver bolt off with Mary Alice barely hanging on. Its playing like a broken movie reel in my head.

"Relax." Ranger says soothingly. I feel his warm hand make contact with the back of my neck.

The one touch adds even more unpleasant thoughts in my head so I straighten up and step away from him as swiftly as I can. "Thanks, Ranger. I—," I stop myself before I blurt out _I owe you._ It seems as though I've been paying double and I don't want to be in his debt any longer.

Ranger seems to read my mind. "No price, Stephanie." His eyes bore into mine. "Glad I could help. I guess I owe you for interrupting your day with your nieces."

I shrug. "I guess." There is an awkward silence in which I can feel him looking at me. "I'm going to check on the girls. I'll see you tomorrow."

--

* * *

--

The next morning I get up, extra early, since I'd stayed at the house. I make a cup of coffee in my cool new coffee maker and drink it outside on the patio. I look out at the yard. The summer is fast approaching and the days were getting hot; if I was going to keep the pool, I'd have to have it done soon.

After getting dressed, I drive back to Trenton and directly to RangeMan. I give a little finger wave to Hal at the front and went upstairs to the fifth floor as instructed by Ranger yesterday. They are already waiting for me in his office.

"Change of plans, Babe." He says when I walk in.

"Oh?"

"Turns out Hector's sick with the flu, too. Ella's caring for them all on the fourth floor. I need them to rest up so they'll be ready when the big jobs come in. I'll be going with you."

I force myself not to react. "Okay." Seriously, the Lord in Heaven must be punishing me for something. Probably something bad I did in a past life. I must've been Henry VIII or someone else awful. Maybe even Stalin.

They fill me in on the job. "We need to install security at a private residence, but we have to scout the place first." Ranger tells me. "We're splitting the men we've got here that aren't sick. This morning we've got a few scouts then later we have an installation. Its not scheduled until later this afternoon. Are you in?"

I nod. "Sounds fine. I'm ready when you are."

So we take off. The first scouting is at the residence of a wealthy elderly couple whose kids are much too paranoid for their own good. It's pretty straight forward; sensors, cameras, safes, panic button, that sort of thing. There were two more scouts scheduled for today for us to do. Ranger made sure to reschedule the scouts they had to do later this week for today mainly to get them out of the way before the spreading flu had a chance to get to his healthy men.

We spent most of the day running around before going to lunch then changing teams. Tank and Lester came with us for an installation. "Do you need me for this?" I ask Ranger as we get into the car. "I can hammer in nails but as for installing systems…"

"I need you." He says. "You'd make this easier on the lady of the house. She might relate better to another female. Do you mind?"

I shake my head. "No. Let's go."

Tank and Lester automatically go into the backseat, though I offer them shotgun. I buckle in and they tell me what they're going to be doing. "It's been a while since we've done an installation." Lester says. "That's not usually our department."

"But you know how to, right?" I ask.

"Oh, definitely," he says. "We don't do it often but we know the drill."

We drive for a while, mostly in silence. We're somewhat close to my house, though we pass the exit on the freeway. I, of course, say nothing. When we arrive, Ranger lets Tank and Lester get to work on the outdoor stuff and motions me inside. Basically I hold the tools while Ranger works on the security system. "Well, I feel useful." I tell him.

"Philips head." He says and I hand it to him. "See? You are useful."

I fail to bite back a small grin.

"Wow. A smile."

I roll my eyes. "Don't get used to it."

"It's alright. That will tide me over for at least a week. That's when I start breaking out the jokes."

"_You_ know jokes?"

"I'm a funny guy."

I fail to bite back another small grin.

"See?"

I sigh.

When we're done on the inside, we go outside to Lester and Tank. They're done, too and Tank is explaining the workings to the husband while Lester is nursing a big red spot on his arm. Ranger raises an eyebrow. "Got stung by a bee." He says.

"Did you get the stinger out?" Ranger asks.

"Working on it."

I step forward and help Lester. "Hold on." I dig in my purse and pull out some tweezers. Lester is moving around too much for me to get it. "Hold still."

"Trying here." He says with not an ounce of comedy in his voice.

I look up at him and there is something off. "Lester? Are you feeling alright?" He's paler than he was a minute ago. "Les?"

Ranger steps up to him. "Are you allergic to bees?"

Lester thinks for a second. "_Fuck!"_ he says and suddenly starts panting. "Can't… breathe… right."

Ranger calls Tank and grabs Lester, hauling him to the truck. "He's going into anaphylactic shock! Tank, help me get him in the car!" he barks.

As they carry him, I quickly apologize to the client and rush into the car after them.

"What does he need?"

"An immediate dose of ephedrine, his airway is getting blocked" Ranger says automatically. "Where's the nearest hospital?"

Tank, who is trying to help Lester breathe, "I think we're about 25 minutes away. There is St. Vincent's hospital north of here. Either that or Trenton General."

"I can get to Trenton faster than St. Vincent's." Ranger hits the accelerator and we're off, racing back towards Trenton.

I'm still confused as I look at Lester. "Ephedrine?"

"Its adrenaline. To open up his airway." Ranger says.

Suddenly I understand. "Like… an EpiPen?"

"Yea." Tank says.

Lester is looking pretty terrible.

"I have an EpiPen at my place." I say to Ranger as he weaves through traffic.

"We're closer to the hospital than we are to your apartment." He mutters, not taking his eyes off the road.

I shake my head and bite the bullet, "Make a right at the next exit, follow that road for one mile then make the first left. Trust me." Ranger says nothing but follows my directions. I look into the back seat at Lester… he wasn't looking too good. I guide Ranger for another two minutes and in record time we were on my block. "Last house in the cul-de-sac," I direct, "Pull up to the gate." He does so and lowers his window while I lean across him and punch numbers into the pad. The gate opens and we drive into the driveway. He pulls up in front and I sprint out of the car, open the door, ignoring the alarm which is bound to go off in a second and rush to the kitchen drawer for Angela's extra EpiPen.

No sooner had I handed it out Ranger than the alarm went off. "I'll take care of it." I tell him. He takes care of Lester while I disable the alarm. The minute I did, the house phone rings and I assure the security people that I'm alright, just in a hurry.

When I get off the phone, I rush outside to where Lester is. He's breathing and his color is better. Ranger and Tank are monitoring him. "How do you feel?" I ask him.

"Better," he says weakly. "Thank you."

"Sure. Do you want to come in and rest for a bit, or should we take you to a hospital?" I ask and look to Ranger for an answer.

"Hospital, just to be sure." Ranger says immediately.

"Hold up," says Les, "I think I may puke."

I nod, "That happened to my niece, too. Come inside for a minute. All that riding around in the car isn't going to help."

Ranger and Tank help Lester inside and deposit him on the couch. I quickly get him some water and a puke bucket in case he can't make it to the bathroom.

Ranger stands against the wall, surveying the house. He doesn't look happy. "Where are we?" He asks, as he pulls me aside, "Is this your new boyfriend's house?"

I frown. "This house is mine." I turn away from him and go to Lester, who is looking a lot better.

"Really, this house is yours?" Lester asks between deep breaths. When I nod he says, "Did you just move in or something?" he asks, referring to some of the more bare spaces. We're in the family room, which is set up pretty well, but the other rooms visible are bare.

"Kind of. Its sort of a work in progress."

Lester nods. "Do your nieces have a lot of use for EpiPens?"

"Not really anymore, but a little while back Angela had a really bad attack." I explain, "She's asthmatic and gets bad allergies. Something happened where she went into shock, but no one was ready and she almost died. Now everyone in the family has one at their house. Angie and Mary each carry one with them and so does my sister. I have one here and one at my apartment."

Lester grins, finally looking like himself. "Good thing, eh?"

I smile. "Tell me about it. From now on, there should be one in each RangeMan vehicle." I turn to Ranger, "Really, its for the best."

He nods once. "It'll be done tomorrow."

I offer drinks to Tank and Ranger, though they refuse. I go get myself a glass of water. When I'm in the kitchen, I take a second to figure out what the hell I just did. Ranger knows. Its all over.

No more safe haven.

"So this is where you disappear to." I jump at Ranger's voice behind me.

I say nothing.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "Why should I have to?"

When I don't elaborate he says, "Babe."

I sigh. "We have the weirdest history. I wasn't happy in Trenton, haven't been for a while and you… well you needed to be free of me and I wanted a place that I felt comfortable in. I didn't want to tell anyone about it…" I feel myself beginning to get angry, mostly at myself for giving him so much information, and I'm about to tell him to mind his own business. "I have a _right_ to do what I want."

Before I can, though, he stalks over to me and grabs a hold of both my shoulders. "What makes you think I wanted to 'be free of you'? Stephanie, look at me." I do, slowly. "Fuck, Steph. I've been going crazy wondering what you've been up to. A million things ran through my head. I love you… in one way or another I love you. I _have_ to know you're safe. Always. That doesn't change."

I don't want to think about what 'one way or another' meant right now. I don't want to fight anymore. I step away from him, out of his reach and say nothing.

His blank face is back.

"We should get going." Tank says, popping his head into the kitchen as he looks at his watch. "We should have a doctor check him out just to be safe. I'd rather not get home too late, Boss. Lula's waiting up tonight."

Ranger nods. "Thanks, Babe. Goodnight."

--

* * *

--

BUZZZZZZZZZZZ---

Fucking Buzzer!

What a terrible way to be awoken. I finally get to sleep after tossing and turning all night and I have to wake up to this?! Who is here at this hour anyway?! Don't people have any decency—

Oh. It's nearly 9AM. The landscapers are scheduled to be here this morning.

I get up from my bed, go to the foyer to check the monitor, then stop when I see the black Porsche Cayenne waiting at the front gate.

I don't let him in; instead I hit the button for the intercom. "Who is it?" I ask, though I already know.

"Babe," comes his voice.

"Did you forget something yesterday?"

"No. Just curious about a few things." I stifle a groan at his words. "You going to let me in?"

"I'm not up for company right now, Ranger. Please don't come by unannounced."

He's silent for a bit and I think he's going to leave when I hear his voice on the intercom. "Just this once... please, Babe?"

Reluctantly, I hit the button to let him in. As the front gate opens, I unlock and open the front door, then go to my room to change. When I hear him coming in I call over my shoulder. "Be back in a second."

The Lord only knows what he wants to talk to me about. I don't delay in brushing my teeth and changing into jeans. Having him here is making me uncomfortable.

It's a sad thought, really. I used to trust him with everything. I suppose on some level I still do, but I'm realizing none of it is free. Quite frankly, the heartbreak that accompanies Ranger is too steep a price for me these days.

When I come back out, Ranger is sitting on the couch. "I'm surprised you haven't gotten a TV yet." He says.

"There's still a lot that needs to be done," I tell him, shortly. "What are you doing here?"

He grins. "I didn't get a chance to really check this place out last night. Besides, I wanted to see you."

BUZZZZZ—

Ugh, I _hate_ that damn buzzer.

"What the hell was that?" Ranger asks.

"Front gate. I _hate_ that sound." My eye twitches. I go to the monitor in the foyer and hit the button to let the landscapers in. I go greet them and let them get to work.

Ranger follows me, silently. "Babe, RangeMan can take over your security. Who have you got now?"

A tiny spasm of dread sparks in me. "Thanks for your concern, but no thanks. I'm going to stick with Ritchert."

"Ritchert Security? No, if you want the best—,"

I hold up my hand to stop him, closing my eyes. "Ranger. Thanks. _Really_, I appreciate everything you've done for me in the past, but I'd really rather not."

Ranger stares hard at me. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes! I _just_ got things close to how I like them. I have _privacy_ here, a concept that's totally lost on you!" I suddenly explode. "No crazies, no rumors, no Rambo sneaking in whenever he pleases to screw with me or scream at me or install cameras when I'm not looking!"

"I shouldn't have screamed at you." He blank face is gone replaced by something resembling shame, "I was being… that was wrong. I'm sorry. But the camera was for your own safety." He says, unperturbed.

I sigh, "Thank you. But I don't need anyone having complete access to me whenever they feel like it." We both know what I mean: I don't want _him_ having access to me whenever _he_ felt like it.

"Have you brought your boyfriend here yet?"

"Mark? No, not yet."

"But you're going to?"

I cross my arms over my chest. "Why does it matter?"

"Are you?" he demands.

"Maybe." I refuse to say any more on the subject.

Ranger pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "This is so fucked up." He sighs. "Forget I asked that. You do what you want." He straightens up, "Do you mind if I check out the house? I'd like to see what you have as far as security goes."

"No." I say.

He steps closer to me, "If someone else is in charge of keeping you safe, I need to know they're doing a good job. I don't trust anyone else with your safety."

"Well, you're going to have to. At least with these people I know _exactly_ what's being done. You do what you want with or without my approval."

He takes another step. "What if I promise to make only a few small adjustments?"

"No. I don't want to have to worry about anyone barging in at night or planting secret cameras anywhere. I like being able to dance naked when I want."

His eyebrows shot up. "You dance naked?"

I blush a bit. "I like to have the option."

His hands are on my waist now. "So what it boils down to is that you don't trust me."

"With my life, sure. With my privacy, no." _With my heart, no._

"What if I guarantee you have complete say in whatever you want? No cameras on anything other than the front gate." I waver for a moment, listening to his smooth, deep voice. It's hypnotizing and so is his scent. "Seriously, Babe, there are a few gaps here. I don't want to take away your privacy. I just want you safe." He's suddenly so close. "You can trust me, I won't let you down."

I'm looking at his lips and I want them on mine so much I can almost feel them. But I pull away before I give in. "I'll think about it."

He nods. We're both silent for a minute. He's looking at me with an expression I don't understand.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ—

"Fucking buzzer!" I say, clapping my hands over my ears.

He comes forward, kisses my forehead briefly and turns his attention back to the monitor. "You know these guys?" He asks.

I see the guys from the pool maintenance place wave at the camera. "Yeah, you can let them in." He does and I go out front to meet them then take them to the backyard so they can start working. "This place is really nice, Babe." He says, looking out back. "Its very… you."

I smile. "Thank you."

"It's a good place to raise a family."

I shrug. "That's not really what I'm after. I wouldn't say no to raising a puppy, though."

"Puppies are a handful."

"True, but summer is coming up and the girls could help out. I think it might bring Angie out of her shell a little."

He looks like he's thinking about smiling, "You're going to spoil them."

"I'm their aunt; I'm allowed to spoil them. It's their parents that have to worry about the other stuff, not me."

"Good point."

--

* * *

--

"Alright, ladies, say cheese." Mark said, holding up the camera.

"Cheese!" Mary, Angie and I say in unison. We're at a summer carnival with the girls. Valerie is too exhausted to go and she didn't trust Albert not to lose the girls so she asked if I would take them. I'm glad to do so.

"I want to go on the tilt-a-whirl again!" Mary Alice points so hard I think her arm is going to fall out of the socket.

Angie frowns. "That made me dizzy the last time."

Mark smiles, "Why don't I go on the tilt-a-whirl with Mary and you two watch?"

I smile back. "Okay. We'll be right here." He gives me a fast kiss on the lips before he and Mary go on the ride while we watch them board it.

This is the second time Mark has met the girls and it's no surprise that he's great with kids. Its no surprise he's great at anything. He's perfect.

"Is there anything in particular you want to go on?" I ask Angela as the ride starts going.

She gives a small, timid shrug. "I'm fine with anything."

This is a problem. Angie is the picture of perfection, the perfect Burg little girl, but sometimes I think it's more out of fear than the way she really is. "Are you sure? Is there anything specific you'd like to do?"

She shakes her head politely. "Not really."

I squat down so that she's looking down at me. "Angela, I know that we go horse back riding, and go to carnivals and movies, but usually they're what Mary Alice wants to do. I want you to feel excited about something we do too. I'm worried about you, honey." I smooth her hair back.

"I like to do those things, too."

I nod. "I know you _like_ them, or don't _mind_ doing them, but just once I'd like you to be so excited about doing something that you feel like you're about to burst until you get to do it. Do you know what I mean?"

She looks confused. "Kind of. You mean how Mary Alice gets when she does anything new? You want me to be more like Mary?"

"No, no, Sweets, I don't want you to be like Mary, I want you to be like you. What I mean is, you know how Mary gets when we go to the stables?"

She nods. "Yes she practically jumps out of her car seat whenever we go."

"Right. Isn't there anything that would make you so excited? I mean, is there anything that you sometimes can't wait to do?"

She shrugs, "I usually can't wait for Albert to wake up when he's watching TV in the living room. He snores really loud."

I laugh, and then she gives me a small smile. I watch as the smile turns bigger until she lets out a little laugh. "Well, I have an idea. How about we start looking for stuff that you like? Like hobbies? We'll try a bunch of things, ballet, drawing, painting, golfing, whatever, we'll try everything once until you find something that you simply _have_ to do again. Is that okay?"

She thinks about it. "Alright."

I pull her into a big hug and kiss her cheek.

"Aunt Stephie, you missed it!" calls Mary as she comes towards us, pulling a green looking Mark along with her. "Mark almost threw up, it was awesome!"

--

Once we dropped the girls off, Mark drops me off at my apartment. I invite him in, but he declines.

"Steph, I've had a lot of fun with you," he says, "But I have to get something off my chest."

_Uh-oh_, I think. "Um, okay."

He proceeds. "I really like you; I've really liked you for a long time. But I'm getting the feeling its kind of one sided."

I frown. "I like you, too." He looks at me, waiting for me to go on and after a second, I do. "I'm sorry. You kind of came into my life at a weird moment."

He nods. "I get it. Morelli and then that bounty hunter guy…"

"Ranger, no, we're not…"

He stops me. "Well it seems as though there is something there. Or maybe not, but you don't feel something for me."

I sigh. "I'm sorry, Mark. I really want to. You're perfect and I really _really_ want to feel something more."

"But you don't." He says with a sad smile. "Don't sweat it. The fifteen year old boy in me is still so happy he got to date you at all."

"Can we still be…?" I trail off, not wanting him to say no.

"Friends?" He looks hopeful. "I'd love to. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

I smile and throw my arms around him. "Thanks Mark. I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head. "Nothing to apologize for. You're one in a million, Stephanie." He says sincerely as he kisses my hand. "Goodnight."

--

* * *

--

A week later, I was just getting out of the bath when the buzzer goes off again. I put a finger to my eye to stop the twitching and go to the monitor.

Its Ranger.

_Not again._

In truth, though, I have mixed feelings about this. He's been a more present figure in my life since he's come back; a part of me is swarming with fluttery butterflies, the other part is waiting for him to thrust the yo-yo back out.

It seems to be a pattern with him.

I let him in and go out to meet him. He pulls up right at my front door. "This is a surprise." I say as he exits the car.

He smiles when he sees me. "I thought you'd want that buzzer taken care of."

"I haven't decided on RangeMan yet. And I told you not to come by unannounced."

"It's an easy fix. No contract needed, just one friend helping out another. And I called your phone twice."

I check my phone and sure enough it's on silent and there are two missed calls from Ranger. I'm hesitant. "You're not going to change up the security code or something?"

"You really think I'd do that?"

I raise an eyebrow, "Well, yeah."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to do anything but eliminate the buzzing. You want it taken care of or not?"

Who am I kidding? "Yes, please." I say as I lead the way inside.

"You sure have enough space here, Babe." He says, as we pass by the empty formal dining room, study and library (was originally a formal living room but I'd never use that) "What will you do with it?"

"I have no idea yet. I got as far as making a small library, but mostly all the books I have are magazines."

We go to the kitchen and sit at the table, where he takes out a plan. "What's this?" I ask.

He holds it out to me, "If you do choose to go with RangeMan, these are the only changes."

"Ranger—,"

He interrupts me, "Just look at it. Please?"

I sigh and take a look at the plan. "I don't know what I'm looking at," I say truthfully.

Ranger moves his chair closer to mine. "The current code you have on your garage is so easy to break." He explains.

I raise an eyebrow, "Really? Then I'm surprised you hit the buzzer. Why didn't you just come right in?"

There was the almost smile, "I'm working on giving you your privacy."

I give him a small grin. "Well… that's good. Go on."

He looks at me for another minute then turns back to the plan. "Anyway, there'll be a camera at the front gate like there is now and other ones out back—,"

"Uh-uh," I say, "No way, the front is one thing, but out back?"

"Someone could climb it and break in."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take. No cameras anywhere other than the front gate. I don't want people looking when I'm out by the pool or planting a garden."

"You're going to garden?"

_Probably not,_ I think. "I'd like to have the option."

He looks exasperated… as close to exasperated as Ranger gets, anyway. "Fine. Then we'll use certain sensors. We'll put them in by the back fence, in case anyone tries to climb it."

"You really think someone would go through all that trouble?"

He shrugs, "Not taking any chances. The fence is tall enough to keep out deer and most wildlife, so there shouldn't be any problem with accidental tripping. That brings us down to only one camera. That's how you want it, right?" He reaches over and tucks a stray curl behind my ear. "I can get Hector in here tomorrow to fix the gate and install all this stuff if you approve. No more annoying buzzer."

"I thought you were going to fix the buzzer now without any contract stuff?"

His lips tilt up in the smile. "There's no conning you, is there?"

"Nope."

"Truth is, I can take look at it and disable the sound, but Hector would have to replace the buzzer with something else. I'm not the greatest electrician."

"But you can stop the buzzing?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Yay!"

He grins, "So we have a deal?"

I'm silent. Ranger having access to me whenever he likes? He could just waltz in anytime. Not that I mind that _all _the time, but I mind when he chooses to be an ass and I mind when it stops happening.

Ranger seems to read my mind, "I'll knock, Babe."

"You promise?"

"You have my word."

He seems very sincere. Ranger usually is a man of his word so, reluctantly I say, "Okay."

He smiles, the full on 200-watt smile and for a second I let myself get lost in it. Luckily I snap back into focus before he can notice anything. "How much is this setting me back?"

"No charge. RangeMan will be monitoring your property, of course so if the alarm goes off—,"

"Hold it. I'm definitely paying for this."

He shoots me a look. "No price, Babe. I need you safe."

But I refuse. "If you don't give me an estimate, I'm going to wire transfer the same amount I've been giving Ritchert Security to RangeMan."

"I can block that."

I frown, "No, you can't."

"I'm pretty sure I can."

"Ranger!" I say exasperatedly. "This is a business transaction. I'm your customer. I have to pay you! You pay me when I work for you."

Ranger sighs impatiently. "How much are you giving Ritchert?" He finally asks. When I tell him the amount, he's flabbergasted. "What? That's robbery! No. A quarter of that amount."

"75%," I bargain. "I happen to _know_ you charge your clients in the same ballpark."

"50%" He says and I can tell he's not going to budge. "You're not just any client."

"Fine 50%, plus installation fees."

"Babe."

I cross my arms over my chest and do my best imitation of the blank stare. "That's my final offer."

Ranger closes his eyes and rests his head on the table. "You're getting too good at this." He says, "Fine. Deal." He stands. "I have to go."

I nod and stand to walk him back out. "How come you didn't just call? We could've done this over the phone, that way you wouldn't have had to drive so far out of your way."

He comes over and pulls me into his arms. "True, but I wouldn't have been able to do this over the phone." I let him hold me for a minute but say nothing. He kisses the top of my head. "I missed you while I was away." I still say nothing, though the truth is that I'd missed him too. I've missed him a lot. I've missed the _real_ Ranger.

_My_ Ranger.

He exhales above me, "Someday soon, Babe, I'm _going_ to earn your trust back. Count on it." He pulls away. "Later."

I get a vibe telling me that he wants to kiss me, but I turn away before he can. I can't let him.

Not again.

His blank face is in place when he leaves.

--

* * *

**Yes, I split the chapter into two because it was way too long.  
**


	5. Part V

**Part V**

**

* * *

  
**

I spend the next week chasing skips and by Friday I'm exhausted. There were a lot of people skipping these days. Must be the weather. The summer is fast approaching. Angie and Mary's last day of school is coming up and I promised they could come over soon and go swimming.

The pool is done, is the girls' room. It's done in a pretty pink and green with matching furniture and printed bedding. There is a comfy looking window seat and a small dresser where I have extra swim suits for them.

I've kept my promise to Angela, but she hasn't seemed very into anything we've tried yet. We tried a ballet class and some golfing. Nothing so far.

My cell phone rings. "Stephanie," my mother says, "you're so hard to pin down these days. What are you up to?"

I shrug. "Oh, nothing. You know this and that."

"It's been a while since you brought Joe over for dinner. I heard him and Terry Gilman broke up."

"Good for them."

"Maybe tomorrow—,"

"Mom, don't go there. It's beyond over with him."

She sighs. "You know, maybe if you learned how to cook you could hold on to a man."

I feel the beginnings of the eye twitch again. "I don't want to hold on to that kind of man."

"Still, it wouldn't hurt to learn to cook. I could teach you to make a few things."

I considered this; it would be good to learn to make something other than peanut butter and olive sandwiches. "Maybe…"

"Did you just agree?"

"No! I'm considering it… I'll let you teach me, but only if you promise not to talk about Joe, marriage, Terry Gilman, my job and you promise to keep a really big secret."

"That's a long list," she says. "What's the secret?"

"I'm not telling until you promise."

"Fine. What is it?"

"That's not good enough. You have to swear. Swear on Grandpa Mazur's grave."

"Stephanie!" I can picture her crossing herself. "Fine. I swear. Now what is this?"

"I'm coming to get you. We'll stop by the super market and then I'll tell you."

An hour later I'm pulling into my driveway with my mom in the front seat and a trunk full of groceries. "Oh, Stephanie! It's beautiful!" My mom says in shock. "Really, you _live_ here?"

"Yep." I say with a smile as I drive into the garage and turn the engine off. She steps out of the car and inspects the garage first, then goes to the door and pulls it open. "Yeah, don't worry about the grocery bags, I'll get them all," I say sarcastically.

She ignores me and enters the house. I go in quickly behind her and hit the alarm code before the alarm goes off. "It's beautiful!" She says. "I can't believe it." She's walking through all the rooms on the first floor while I bring in the groceries. "Oh my God, look at this _kitchen!_" I hear her exclaim.

"Yeah, I really like it. Help me unload this stuff, will you?"

"Oh, Stephanie!" She throws her arms around me in a tearful hug.

"Mom, whoa! What's going on?"

"I'm just so happy. You're growing up! You've got a house! Soon you'll have babies and—,"

"Hold it!" I put up a hand to stop her. "What did you promise me we weren't going to talk about?"

She wipes a tear from her eye, "I'm not talking about marriage, I'm talking about babies."

"The two go hand in hand. I'm not getting married; I just wanted my own space. The only kids I plan on having here ever are Valerie's and that's only once in a while."

She waves my words away and goes to unpack the bags. "I can't believe you kept this a secret! This place is amazing, how did you keep sneaking out of Trenton? Why is there nothing in the fridge except peanut butter and bread?" She says in dismay when she opens it. "How do you nourish yourself?"

"My body is a miraculous machine." I say. "Anyway, that's why we got all this stuff, right?" I gesture to the plethora of bags. "What are we making?" I ask just as my phone rings.

It's Ranger.

"Yo." I say.

"Are you busy tonight?"

I hesitate. "Is this for a job?"

"Not really. I was thinking dinner."

"Dinner?"

"I'd like to discuss some business with you and I'd like to do it over dinner."

"No."

"So you are busy."

"I am for dinner."

My mother chimes in, "Is that Ranger?" I shoot her a _please shut up_ look but she ignores me. "Ask him to come over here for dinner."

I hesitate then go back to my conversation with Ranger, "I'm busy tonight."

"Tell your mom I'll be over in a few and thanks for the invitation." He hangs up before I can object.

_This_ is exactly why I never tell my mom anything!

"Thanks a lot. Now he's coming." I tell my mother.

She looks at me like she doesn't understand what just happened. "Its nice to invite your friends over to dinner. I raised you to be polite, Stephanie. Now wash your hands. We're making lasagna."

Now if I could just get my eye to stop twitching.

--

Valerie ends up coming over also, with the three girls this time and Albert Kloughn. They're all here by the time Ranger gets here. "Hi, Mr. Ranger!" Mary Alice runs up to Ranger to greet him with a big smile on her face.

"Yo." He says to her with his lips tilted up in a small smile.

She beams at him. Angela blushes when she greets him. "I think she may have a little crush on you," I say to him when we enter the kitchen. "We're not ready for dinner yet, sorry."

He puts his hand on the back of my neck. "It's fine."

My mother smiles when she sees him. "Hello, Ranger. I'm glad you could join us."

He nods in a greeting. "Thank you for the invitation."

"Stephanie, come on, you have to make the salad." She says to me.

I stifle a groan. "Make yourself at home." I say to him.

I barely get the words out when Mary Alice comes barging into the kitchen and runs right to Ranger. "Do you want to see the pool?! We're trying to get Aunt Stephanie to put in a slide!" Her eyes are wide with excitement.

"Sure." He says and Mary beams again. She grabs his hand and pulls him along as her sister follows them.

When they leave my mother smiles. "I kind of like him. All he needs is to lose the weapons."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that."

When dinner is finally ready we all sit down at the table. Albert Kloughn is almost as taken with Ranger as Mary Alice is. "So you have more than one gun on you right now?" He asks excitedly.

Ranger cuts his eyes to him. "Maybe."

"Wow," Albert whispers in awe.

"Honey," Valerie says to him, "Please don't talk about guns in front of the kids."

Albert frowns, "Oh, right. I keep forgetting I have to watch what I say around kids," He says to no one in particular. "Sometimes I wake up and actually forget that I'm a dad. Can you believe it? I forget. Sometimes I forget during the day too. I forget you can't say the words 'hell' or 'ass' around them, not that I say them much anyway."

I notice that the corners of Ranger's mouth are tilted up. He meets my eyes and I look away, trying to stifle the smile on my lips.

Albert continues, "Sometimes I think 'ass' isn't that bad, though. I mean it could be a donkey. 'Ass' does mean 'Donkey'."

"Honey," Valerie interrupts gently as my mother crosses herself. I dare not look at Ranger. If I do, I'll start cracking up.

But Albert doesn't stop when Valerie speaks to him. "Ass doesn't have to mean ass_hole._ It's not as bad as saying 'fuck' in front of the kids."

"Albert!" Valerie snaps. "Stop talking."

I sneak a look at Ranger and he's got a full on grin on his face. I turn my laughter into a cough, but I don't fool him for a second.

"Oops," says Albert sheepishly. "It slipped. I can't help it; sometimes you just need to say 'fuck'."

Valerie is holding on to her knife a little tightly. "Albert if you don't stop talking about curses, I swear…" She trails off dangerously.

That's when Mary Alice decides to chime in. "What is 'fuck'?"

My mother chokes on her water.

I focus on my lasagna. Rangers shoulders are shaking next to me.

"Well?" Mary asks when no one answers.

"It's a very bad word, sweetie." Valerie tells her.

"Is it an animal, like 'ass' is?"

Valerie glares at Albert as he opens his mouth. "No, but animals do it— Ow!" Valerie slaps him on the head.

"Can I speak to you outside for a moment?" She says through gritted teeth. Albert looks thoroughly frightened as he and Valerie go out back and shut the screen door behind them.

There is a long silence. Mary looks confused. "I still don't understand." She says after a while.

Ranger puts the dangerous blank face on and leans in towards her. "It's a derogatory term for something natural. Its also something that's never to come out of your mouth." He says with a dangerous vibe.

Mary gulps, "Yes, sir."

He nods and shoots her a more friendly grin. Well, more friendly for Ranger, anyway, but Mary seems comforted.

We suddenly hear a loud splash followed shortly by Valerie coming into the house. "Girls, say goodbye, we're leaving."

I stand and go to the screen door. Albert Kloughn is struggling to get out of the pool.

--

Valerie and Albert drive my mother back to Trenton with them so I'm left alone with Ranger. I'm cleaning things up and he helps.

"Sorry you had to sit through that," I say to him.

He's smiling. "It was fun. Your whole family is insane."

"You're not kidding, and that wasn't even all of them. Its amazing how many people in my family have a crush on you. Angie, Grandma Mazur, maybe Mary and probably Albert."

He closes his eyes. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say Kloughn. But I see you left your name out of that list."

Oh boy. "Yes, well I'm over you." I don't look at him as I load the dishwasher. In a matter of seconds I feel him pressed up against my back.

"Is that so?" He says into my ear.

"Yes," the word comes out a little breathy.

"I'm not over you."

Oh boy. "You were never that into me in the first place."

He puts his hands on mine, puts the dish that I'm holding into the sink and spins me around so I'm facing him. "Wrong, Babe." His forehead is against mine and our eyes lock. "My life would be a lot easier if that were true."

I'm melting into him. I can't really help it. "Ranger," his name comes out as more of a moan.

"Yes?" His hands are strong on my hips. His face tilts down, our lips are so close. "Tell me, Babe." He whispers.

"I—," I'm staring at his lips.

"You're what?" His lips are millimeters away now. So close.

The second before our lips touch, I realize what I'm about to do. "Dammit!" I say as I push him away and put as much distance from him as the room allows. His hands are balled into fists on the counter and his eyes are closed as though he's in pain. I try to regain my composure. "I don't want to keep playing this game with you."

He turns to look at me, his arms now crossed over his chest. "No games. Not anymore. I want you with me, Babe."

I close my eyes. "Right. I'm so sure."

"I'm serious."

"I thought you wanted sex. I told you I can play it that way. No emotional ties. That was your rule, remember?"

He looks at me with a calm but impossibly tired stare. "There will always be emotional ties. I love you. You love me. 'Just sex' would be impossible."

"Not necessarily." What am I saying? "I used to think so until the last time. And I don't love you. I _did_ love you. There's a big difference."

He takes a couple steps towards me. "Don't lie to me. Don't _ever_ lie to me."

"Let's review what happened the last time I told you I loved you, shall we?" I cry. "You practically throw me away; you can't get away fast enough."

"I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me? Is that why you brought a skank back to your room when you knew I was still there? To protect me? Were you being my _friend_ then?"

"I thought it was for the best if you thought—," he pauses, seems to change his mind, then continues. "I was protecting you."

"From what?!"

"From this! This whole thing is so fucked up!"

"I wasn't the one to ruin it. I know you like to blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life—,"

Ranger stalks over to me and pulls me to him. "Kiss me."

"No!" I say trying to push away.

"You're lying to yourself. You want to pretend that you don't love me, but it's a crock. You do and I can prove it." He brings his lips roughly against mine.

Oh God. Everything in my body shouts YES YES YES! Except my brain. My brain makes me push him away and slap him across the face. My hand stings but he hardly flinches. "Get out!" I yell at him.

"No." He says menacingly.

"Is this _fun_ for you? Do you have a scoreboard up somewhere? Five points if she calls, ten if she cries. Fifteen if she begs."

"Never. I love you. I want to prove to you—"

I cut him off, "Do you get off tearing away any last shred of dignity—,"

"NO!" He bellows angrily. "It—,"

"Out!" I stomp into the foyer and hold the door open. "Don't _ever_ come back into my home!"

He's glaring at me. "You felt it." His steps are slow and dangerous as he walks towards me. "Tell me you didn't feel anything." His voice is a dangerous as his step.

"Leave. Now." He ignores me, instead he reaches out touch my hair and I slap his hand away. "What the fuck is your problem? I don't love you. I felt nothing my anger when you forced yourself on me. There, I said it!"

"Bullshit." He pulls me towards him, against my struggles. "In Tampa, I loved having you there. I loved waking up with you and spending the day with you. But I wasn't ready to settle into a relationship. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Bullshit." I say back to him, still struggling to get away.

He holds my face so that I'm forced to look into his eyes. "I didn't. I thought if I made you hate me it would be easier on you. The plan totally backfired on me. You hate me now and I can't stop thinking about you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you walked out of the hotel room that day. I thought I could stop, I thought I could put you behind me and that would be the end of it, but I can't. I don't want to try anymore."

Tears are blurring my vision and one spills down my cheek. "I'm sure." I say sarcastically. "I'm sure you were only thinking of me when you had sex with her on the bed we slept in when the sheets hadn't even been changed. I'm sure you were only thinking of me when you replaced me with Jeanne Ellen. I'm sure you were only thinking of me when you threw me away and left _again._ I'm so sure, Ranger."

"I replaced you with Jeanne Ellen because David Lawrence was a dangerous criminal. Animalistic. Too dangerous to put you, the person I care the most for, in his way. Jeanne Ellen is used to being in those situations." His eyes are holding me prisoner. "I _was_ only thinking of you when I left Trenton the last time. I wanted not to; I wanted to forget about you, especially after that night when we slept together… it haunted me. Its like you were there but you weren't. You wouldn't look at me or let me kiss you. You held me at arms length…"

"Yeah, sucks, doesn't it?"

He winces. "Yes, it does."

"But that's not going to stop you the next time," I say bitterly.

He shakes his head. "No next time. I want you with me. I love you."

"No!" I try to wrench away from him, "That's such a cop out coming from you. You use it as an excuse to justify any and every damn decision you make when it comes to me, even the ones you have no right to make. I'm so sick of it." I finally free myself from his grasp. "You see, this is just an amped up version of the usual game between us. You draw me in and then push me away, and I'm not saying you haven't been clear about what you wanted from the beginning, but I can't keep pretending it doesn't affect me. You're in it until it stops being fun and then you bolt and I'm an idiot because I actually care about you. But don't you get it? Finally, you've won! You're finally getting what you want!" I cry angrily, "I know my place Ranger, I'm a— what was it you called me? Oh that's right, I'm 'hardly more than a convenient fuck half the time'." A fresh set of tears springs into my eyes.

He winces again and this time he looks pained. "That's _not_ what you are! That was a lie. It was never the truth and it's not what I want anymore."

I throw up my hands. "Well, its what you've got. Actually, scratch that. I don't want anything from you anymore."

He's stepping closer again and I hold up a hand to stop him but he ignores it. "At the hospital I was afraid you'd see me in a vulnerable state. I was angry, I didn't want _anyone_ seeing me like that. I thought you'd told a bunch of people and in my line of work, I can't afford to be seen as weak." He stops for a breath. "It was stupid, you're not just anyone, I know that." He's got the hand I held up in on of his and is using it to pull my body against his. "I love you." He whispers. "I've been an idiot, but I _swear_ I want you for keeps and I'll do anything to prove it." He brushes my tears away gently. "Stephanie…" his head is getting closer.

I try to turn away. I can't, I just _can't_ let him do this to me again. I really won't survive it this time.

"Please, Babe," he says with his forehead against mine, "You can trust me."

I push him away and immediately his blank face slams into place. "I don't trust you. I can't, Ranger." I put my face in my hands. "Do you know how hard I've worked to get over you? I'm finally almost there and in you swoop, tearing it all away. What happens next time?"

"No next time. I want you with me. I asked you to dinner to tell you that I have to go—,"

His phone rings. Saved by the bell. He checks the screen and flicks it open. "Talk." He barks. I turn from him to give him privacy and head out onto the front porch where I lean against the railing for support. I'm suddenly drained of all my energy. He's leaving again. _Good,_ I think to myself and I almost make myself believe it. This is his game. He doesn't want me, he just wants to mess with me. _Its no fun for him unless I'm pining._

I focus on taking deep breaths when he comes up behind me and puts his hands on my waist. I'm too exhausted to fight him off. We stay there, silent for a few minutes. Ranger leans in and whispers in my ear. "Someday very soon, I _will_ earn your trust back, Babe."

"No you won't." I say defiantly. Finally, I stand up straight and step away from him, looking him right in the eye. This time, he doesn't get me.

Not anymore.

"Leave please, Ranger and don't come back. There is nothing for you here anymore."

--

* * *

--

I force myself to do the every day things. I go to work. I take my nieces to the stables and to whatever other activities I've planned for Angie to try. I talk to the girls at the bond office and bring them donuts.

Ranger is gone.

He left sometime yesterday, but really he's been gone a little longer than that. I heard he'd brought in a couple high end skips and they were pretty badly hurt. All "accidents" of course, but I had a feeling there was a lot more to it.

I haven't talked to him in a little under a week, since he last left my house. I shut my eyes tightly and try not to think about that look he had when he left, right before the blank face came into place.

I've never seen him look defeated before.

"Girl, are you listening?" Lula asks impatiently.

My attention snaps back to her. "Sorry, what?"

"I said do you want to come with me to get some lunch."

I look at the now empty box of donuts. How long have I been here already? "Um, sure."

Lula grabs her purse and we take my car to Burger King. "Stephanie, you do not look good." She tells me as we await for our turn to order, stuck behind a few cars.

I shrug. "I think I'm coming down with a cold." I tell her.

"Mmm hmm. More like you've got the love blues."

I sigh. "I don't want to talk about it. Did you get all your skips today?"

She looks at me for a second and decides to indulge me in the subject change. "I got Punky the other day. Just sprayed the mace right when he opened the door. It's a lot easier to cuff him when he's coughing up a lung."

I crack a half hearted smile.

"Look, this may not be my business, but maybe you need to do the ex-boyfriend ritual to get over Ranger."

"What ritual? Ranger was never my boyfriend."

"Sure." She says with an eye roll, "You keep telling yourself that."

"I don't have any of his stuff, anyway."

Lula glances at the keys in the ignition. "Ain't that the key to his apartment you got hangin' there?"

I glance at it. "Oh yea. I forgot." I sigh. "Now that I think about it, I have a few t-shirts of his too."

"There you go."

I think about it as we finally get to order. By the time we arrive at the drive thru window, I've decided it would be cold-hearted to just go up to Ranger's apartment and dump all his belongings in there, not that he'd ever see them anyway.

I could throw them out, but the key fob would have to be returned to RangeMan.

Later that day I've already donated his shirts to good will. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Now I'm sitting in my car parked right in front of the RangeMan offices. I've removed the key fob from my other keys. All I have to do is leave them at the front desk.

But my feet are having trouble making the journey. It has dawned on me that this is the last thing I have of his. The last part.

Not that I'm having second thoughts or anything. Its just a bigger step than I thought it would be.

Reluctantly and with shaky hands, I exit my car and walk into the building. "Hey, Hal." I say to him as I hand him the key fob. Here, I'm… uh… I have to leave these here."

Hal looks at them. "Hold on. Protocol states these have to be given directly either to Ranger or Tank. Let me call Tank's office."

"Can't you do it?" I ask him.

Hal looks pained. "I already screwed up once this month. Once more and I'll get the boot. Please?"

I nod in defeat. "Alright."

Hal gets Tank on the phone, and then hands it to me. "Steph," Tanks voice says through the line.

"Hey, Tank."

"Hey. I'm not at the office. Would you mind bringing them up to seven and putting them in the tray by the door. I'll have Ella bring them down later, alright? And don't worry, its empty up there."

I guess everyone at the Haywood office knew about me and Ranger. "Sure, Tank. No problem."

I hang up and take the elevator to the seventh floor. I can't seem to stop myself from trembling. This is the last time I'll ride this up here.

I'll never see Ranger again. This time, it really feels final.

I close my eyes and force myself not to think about it.

When I get up to Ranger's penthouse floor and step into the apartment, its dark. Ranger just left yesterday but it seems emptier of him this time. I set the key fob on the tray, but I can't help but take one last look around.

Slowly I walk through the apartment; around the living room, into the bedroom and into the bathroom. In the bathroom I smell the lingering shower gel and for the first time in a very long time, tears spring into my eyes.

It dawns on my just how much I'm going to miss him.

_It's alright._ I tell myself as I lean against the door frame between his bathroom and his bedroom. _This is good. In a little while you won't even remember him._

I don't know how long I was standing there but I don't notice when Ella comes in and turns on a light.

"Stephanie?" she says.

I instantly wipe my face and smile as best I can. "Hi, Ella. Sorry, I was just on my way out."

"Oh, that's alright." She says kindly. "Take your time." She goes to leave the room but then turns around and points to the armchair by his bed. There is a large white box on it. "I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries here, but I think this was for you. Its been here a long time."

She leaves me alone in the room. I eye the box carefully. It's new, but the edges along the lid of the cardboard box are slightly worn, as though its been opened and shut quite a few times.

I don't know why I'm stepping closer to it, things are over. I'd be torturing myself if I looked. Besides, it might not even be for me. What if it was meant for Jeanne Ellen or someone?

Who am I kidding? I'm much too nosy not to look. Gently, I lift the lid off the box and stop breathing when I see what's inside.

It's the dress. The one from the beach in Tampa when we were walking on the boardwalk. The Grecian one I'd had my eye on.

This is definitely for me. I know it.

But I don't take it. I don't accept it.

I glance at it carefully, a million thoughts running through my head. _Why did he get this? And when? It was months ago, it couldn't possibly have still been in stock._ This is a trick, I tell myself. It has to be. Another strategic move in the Screw With Stephanie game.

But as I look at the box, I can't stop the nagging feeling that something is off. Ella said it had been here a long time. How long?

"Ella?" I call, my curiosity getting the better of me, yet again. I go out and find her wiping the counter down in the kitchen.

"Yes, Stephanie?"

"Um, I don't mean to put you in an awkward position, but how long has that box been here?"

"Months." She said. "Ranger brought it back from a business trip a while back."

_What business trip_, I want to ask. I don't, though. "Okay then. Thanks Ella." I'm about to leave and let the woman get on with her job when another question escapes my lips before I can stop it. "Where is Ranger now? Do you know?"

She thinks for a minute. "I think he's on business in Florida. Tampa, I think is what he said. He's going to Tampa for a while. In fact, the last time he went there I think was when he brought the box back." She looks at me. "Does that help?"

But I'm hardly listening. _Tampa?_ Is he sick again? Did they make a mistake? Was the tumor not benign?

_Dammit, Stephanie, stop torturing yourself, _I yell at myself internally._ He's probably fine. Forget about him, already. Hasn't it been enough?_ "Thanks for everything, Ella." I give her a small smile.

She looks at me sadly. "It was no trouble, Steph. I hope to see you again."

I smile and leave the building before another round of tears can make their way to the surface.

--

* * *

--

_Something isn't right._

The same thought has been repeating in my head over and over since I left RangeMan earlier today. Its almost 4 in the afternoon and I'm supposed to leave to pick up the girls to go to the stables, but something is nagging me.

I've had about 4 cups of coffee and I'm pacing in my living room at my house, my mind running wild with a million thoughts. Thoughts about the dress, thoughts about Ranger, thoughts about why I was crazy to even be wasting time on it still.

I want to know why Ranger is in Tampa.

Scratch that. I only want to know if he's sick again.

_But even if he was, what's it to you? Its done! _

Yet, if he's back at the hospital, it could mean the tumor is back. He's too proud to tell anyone. Should I tell someone?

_Oh good idea, doofus. Why not just write a column airing Ranger's personal life on tomorrow's paper?_

I have to know.

_You can't just call him._

Dammit! I'm really hating my brain right now… until an idea pops into it. I sprint to my lap top and pull up the wireless I had installed a little while ago. I go online and find the phone number I'm looking for.

"Hello, thank you for choosing St. George's hospital, how may I direct your call?" says the hospital operator.

"May please speak to Dr. Evan's please?"

"I'll transfer you."

She transfers me up to his department and another person answers. "Hello, how can I help you?"

"Is this Dr. Evan's office?" I ask.

"He's unavailable, can I help you?"

I think quickly. "I, um, want to make a follow up appointment for my husband, but I'm not sure if he already made one. He can't remember."

"What's his name, please?"

"Last name is Manoso."

I hear her typing and in a minute she speaks again. "I have a R. C. Manoso scheduled for an appointment with Dr. Evans tomorrow at 9 AM."

My heart stutters. "Is that to follow up on the surgery?"

"It doesn't say, ma'am."

"Alright, thanks for your help."

--

* * *

--

I am a masochist.

Seriously, I think I'm doomed to torturing myself for the rest of eternity. I should be hauled away in a straight jacket and locked in a padded room.

It took me a while to make the decision but once again, my curiosity won. Immediately after I got off the phone, I called Valerie and told her I had to cancel my day at the stables with the girls.

Where am I now, you may ask? On a damn plane! I'm going to Tampa.

That's right, folks; hurry up and call the men with the giant nets to take me to a mental institution because I'm clearly nuts.

On top of it all, I hate flying.

After a couple hours of nervous twitching, the plane lands safely on the ground and I'm walking through the airport as a new wave of nausea hits me. The memory of the last time I was in this airport hits me like a tidal wave. It all comes flooding back, all the events that happened the last time I'd followed Ranger to Tampa.

Seriously, what the hell am I doing here?

I contemplate taking a plane right back home, but I don't. Instead I go rent a car and drive to the nearest motel near the hospital.

I try to sleep but I can't. My mind is too full. I'm too nervous. I take the rental car to the beach, far from where Ranger and I had been when we were last here. I sit by the ocean for a long time. I watch the sunrise over the water.

It calms me.

Around 8 I decide to head back, take a brief shower and go to the hospital. I want to get there right after Ranger so that he doesn't see me.

Once again I sneak through the floors to Dr. Evan's office. I peak inside but there is no one in there.

"Ma'am, can I help you?" I recognize the young nurse guy in scrubs.

"Um, sure. My, uh, husband has an appointment today with Dr. Evans. I'm late, I told him to go on without me. Is he here?"

He nods in understanding, "Dr. Evan's patient is getting a scan. Once they're done they'll bring your husband up to room 34B to run some more tests. It's at the end of the hall; you may wait in there if you like."

"No thanks, I think I'll stay n the waiting room."

He nods and leaves me while I go wait in the waiting room. They're running tests. That means something's wrong. Why else would they run tests?

I pace in the waiting room for an hour. I thought I saw Ranger walkout of the elevator, but he wouldn't have been able to see me in the waiting room. I only saw because I was staring intently through the blinds in the room at the elevator down the hall from the waiting room doors.

When I think its safe, I walk towards room 34B.

Giant moths are fluttering in my stomach.

With a sense of déjà vu, I peek in through the little window on the closed door to his room.

It's Ranger. He's on the bed, sitting up wearing cargo pants and no shirt. A nurse is taking some blood from him and he's resting back against the raised up back of the bed, his head is tilted up, staring at the ceiling. His jaw is clenched but I get the feeling its not from the nurse drawing blood.

His blank face is permanently in place and even though I can't see his face clearly, I can tell from the angle I'm at that there are some bags under his eyes.

He looks… tired. Empty. Alone.

My mind flashes back to the look on his face when I last saw him and a stabbing pain sears through my chest.

As I look at him, he suddenly frowns and tilts his head towards the door. I step back before he can see me.

I move away from the door, in case it opens I don't want to be in his line of sight. I'm contemplating my next move. I could just go ask the doctor, but there is a good chance he'll think it suspicious and not tell me what's going on. And then Ranger will find out I'm here.

That was bad enough the first time.

I'm at the other end of the hallway when the door to Ranger's room opens and the nurse comes out carrying a few tubes of Ranger's blood. She closes the door behind her.

I pace for another minute and then decide that I have to know. I have to bite the bullet.

I take a deep breath, march right up the Ranger's room and open the door.

For a minute I stand there. He's looking at me with the blank stare, though there is a hint of a something behind it. Its not scary like it was the last time he found out I was here. It was… drained.

We don't say anything to each other for a while. We just stare at each other in silence.

All the old feelings and fears I've been squashing down for the past who-knows-how-long come bubbling up again. I'm drained too, but I do my best to hide it.

I can't afford the vulnerability.

"Well?" I say finally. "What is it? Is it back?"

Ranger stares at me for full minute before answering. "I don't know yet. The doctor says its unlikely but the symptoms are back."

"And they are?"

"High blood pressure, weird stomach cramps, headaches… etc."

I nod, suddenly feeling sick.

"How did you know I was here?" He asks solemnly.

"Research. Ella pointed me in the right direction; I just did a little digging."

"Who else knows you're here?"

"No one."

As he stares at me, his blank face slips. He lets it go but the second he does, I wish he'd bring it back. Ranger looks utterly unhappy. I recognize the look.

I've seen it in the mirror a few times these last few days.

"Why did you come?" he asks.

I shrug, "I was curious."

He nods and looks away.

We say nothing again for a while. I'm pretty sure he knows I'm staying to find out the results. I lean against the wall and stare out the window. _Stay detached, Stephanie, _says the sane part of my head. But as I'm in the room with him all these questions bubble to my mind. I hold it back as long as I can but it comes out anyway. "Who was the dress for?"

It's Ranger's turn to look out of the window. "You."

I ignore my heart's stutter and say nothing.

He pauses, sighs, then continues. "I bought it the day after you left Tampa the last time."

"Why?" Doubt and fear clouds my mind.

"I don't know. You liked it. When you saw it you got that—." He pauses again, seems to have second thoughts, but then continues. "When you saw it you got that dreamy smile you get sometimes, when you see something you like." He sighs again, this time in sheer defeat. "You used to look at me with that smile."

I don't respond.

"I was going to have Ella mail it to you but I figured you probably wouldn't want it anymore."

We are silent again. Such a thick, sad, depressing silence. I want so desperately for things to be different, for him to want me the way I want him. But I don't believe him. I can't afford to.

"I never actually slept with that girl." He says out of the blue. He's not looking at me, instead resting his head back again and staring at the ceiling. "That night you left Tampa last time you were here? I made her leave the minute you did."

_I'm sure._

"I have no reason to lie to you, Stephanie." He says in an eerily dismal calm. "It's not as though it would make a difference now."

"I didn't mean to say that out loud." I say to him; he shrugs in response. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'd rather you not run around with half the truth in your head anymore."

I shake my head slowly. "How am I supposed to believe that? What am I even supposed to do with that?"

"Whether you believe it or not, it won't change the fact that its true. Do with it what you will. Forget about it if you want."

I look at Ranger and I hardly recognize him. He's still elegant and chiseled and handsomely dangerous looking, but the imperturbable essence is gone. Where once any emotion other than anger or amusement were undetectable, now they are written across his face.

It kills me to see them.

Also, a part of me is angry at them. I'm finally standing my ground and here they are making me wobble again. How do I even know they're real?

My head aches and I use one hand to rub a temple.

"You look dead on your feet." Ranger observes. He stands from the bed and gestures to it. "You lay down. You need it a lot more than I do."

I shake my head. "You're the patient here. I'm fine."

"We're awaiting multiple test results. We'll be here a while. I'll wake you up when the doctor comes in."

"He'll kick me out for sleeping on a hospital bed."

"No he won't. I'll kick his ass if he tries." He tells me. I look at the bed and am tempted. I could really use a nap. But I shake my head. "Dammit, Stephanie!" Ranger barks angrily, "Can't you just do what I ask just once without being difficult? I'm trying to make sure you're alright, I'm always fucking—," He stops himself, his hands balled into fists again. He takes a few deep breaths.

"I'm fine."

"Yea, I know, you don't need anything. Got it." His voice is deep and tired and angry. "Did you ever think that maybe I'm not really doing it for you, or at least not just for you? I know I've fucked up a lot of things but you've been walking around for ages thinking I do everything in my power to ruin your life. That part was never intentional. I can't—, I _have_ to know that you're safe. Can't do my job otherwise."

I groan loudly. "When are you going to get it through your head? I'm not your burden. I can take—,"

"Burden?!" He snaps in a mix of rage and incredulity. "You really have to clue." He steps closer to me with cold fury in his voice, "I need you safe because I would be fucking _useless_ if I thought something had happened to you."

"Wh—,"

He stops about a foot away from me. "I'm not emotionally detached from you. I've told you this. I love you."

"Bullshit. You don't treat people you love that way."

"You're right." He sighs and puts his head in his hands. It takes a long time for him to speak again but when he does, he's back to looking defeated. "You're right." His tone softens. "I don't let many people get close to me because its not safe for them. But you… you snuck in under all my defenses." I feel a familiar yearning for him. I want to reach out but I don't dare move. I can't afford to be wrong again. Ranger studies my face. "Stephanie, I've done a lot of bad things in my life, so trust me, I deserve this. You _should_ hate me. You should loathe me and my existence. But after those test results come back, I'll probably never see you again, so please, Babe, just this last time let me do the right thing by you. Just, please, get on the damn bed."

More silence.

I stare at him for a couple seconds and when I read sincerity on his face, then I finally sit on the bed. "I won't be able to sleep, I don't think." I admit quietly. "I don't sleep much these days."

He nods, looking at my eyes. "I can tell."

"Same goes for you, apparently." I lift my hand and gesture to the circles under his eyes. "That probably doesn't help your health."

He takes my hand gently. "Maybe."

I sigh. "How about we compromise? I'll sleep if you do?"

Ranger nods once. "I'd offer to do it in shifts but I want to hold you."

His blatant honesty catches me off guard. I waver but then figure it can't be any worse than what it is now. "Will you sleep like that?"

He shrugs. "Maybe."

"Then fine."

He consents, lets go of my hand and walks around to the other side of the bed. "You sure?" I nod. I'm not really sure, but what the hell. I'm already in it this much. Ranger lifts the hospital blanket and we both get into the small hospital bed. I end up in the familiar nook while his arms are wrapped around me.

"Bringing that girl to the hotel room when you knew I was there really hurt me." I say out of nowhere. I feel him freeze against me. "The constant hot and cold moods you sport do too."

"I'm sorry, Babe." He says softly.

"Replacing me with Jeanne Ellen sucked too."

He shakes his head, "I should have explained it better at the time. If you'd known what Lawrence was wanted for… it was so gruesome. I didn't want you involved in something like that, on the off chance that him or one of his people would hurt you."

"You should have just told me that."

"You're right."

"I thought—," I take a long pause. He waits patiently for me to continue. "I thought you were bored with me… that you'd found someone else to replace me because you were done with me."

He squeezes me to him gently. "Never." He takes a deep breath. "I suppose if I look at it from your perspective it doesn't seem that farfetched a theory, but its so far from the truth."

We spend another immeasurable moment in silence. I try to nap for a bit but I can't.

"How long are you staying?" he asks, gripping me a little tighter.

I give a small shrug. "Probably just until I know you're okay."

He exhales. "I feel like a guy waiting to hear if he's getting the death sentence." Somehow I know he's not talking about the test results. "When I saw you standing at the door, I thought I was hallucinating for a minute… I'm holding out against hope for some kind of miracle here."

I know what he means. I feel the same way.

"For whatever its worth now, Babe, I love you. I'm not going to force myself into your life anymore; clearly my judgment leaves us both miserable. But you should know the truth. I've been in love with you for a long time... a _long_ time... and when I finally make the decision never to let you go again you've already made up your mind against me."

I tilt my head up so I can look into his eyes. What I see there confirms his words.

It scares the crap out of me.

"Ranger…" I begin, doubtfully.

He kisses my forehead. "Don't worry about it. I'll leave you alone from now on, I promise." He speaks with a severe resolution in his voice and I finally understand.

He's letting me go.

He _does_ love me and he _does_ want me, but he's giving me what I want.

My emotions are running wild. I'm scared, I want him and I'm confused. What I _want_ to do and what I _should_ do are very different things. I _should_ go sit in the arm chair.

"You were right." Ranger's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "The last time you were here you told me that if I didn't stop being an asshole you'd stop being a friend and then I'd really be alone." He says quietly. "The solitude is pitiful... haunting... horrible..."

I say nothing.

Ranger swallows hard. "I'd give anything to go back to that day... I'd change everything."

The tone in his voice is heartbreaking. I can feel the tears I'm too proud to shed threatening to spill over. Maybe I'm an idiot, maybe I'm a masochist, maybe I'm a lot of things but at that moment, the thoughts of what I _should_ do go out the window. I look at Ranger, locking my eyes with his, searching them. There is no blank face. Not anymore.

What I see instead confirms my decision. I reach up and put a timid hand on his face. When he closes his eyes I move my lips onto his.

He seems genuinely surprised for a split second, but then he gives in. And he kisses me back. It starts off soft and slow, then slowly our lips move onto a more intense kiss. After all those months of not kissing Ranger, this is heaven. Suddenly I don't care if it'll tear me apart afterwards, nothing is worth missing this. His mouth moves lovingly and so desperately against mine, and I'm desperate, too, I realize. When our tongues touch, I melt into him. His hand holds the back of my head as he kisses me, while both of mine frame his face, holding him close to me. We kiss for so long. I don't want it to stop and he clearly doesn't either.

When we pull apart only because our bodies force us to inhale oxygen; we're both breathing hard. I'm looking up at him fearfully, afraid of what this might mean.

"Babe," he whispers, his voice tight, his eyes pleading. "Please don't leave me."

I feel a tear spill over onto my face and Ranger brushes it away with his thumb. "You're constantly leaving me. Even the last time I saw you, you were about to tell me you were leaving again."

He shakes his head and kisses me again. "No, Stephanie. I was going to tell you that I was coming here, for this. I wanted you let you know. I meant what I said at your house, I want you with me. I love you and if you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life earning your trust back. Babe—," he breaks off. "Please... please..."

So I kiss him again. Maybe I should be smarter, but I decide against better judgment to let myself fall into him. I love him. He loves me. Nothing else matters. Except….

I look up into his eyes, nervously. The last time I'd said what I'm about to say to him, it changed everything, but I can't hide the truth and if this is all real, then I shouldn't have to. "I love you."

I study his eyes. There is no blank face. No anger, no doubt. Ranger's eyes immediately come back to life and what starts off as a small smile quickly turns into a full blown 200-watt smile. And He kisses me; its powerful and consuming and says everything that can't be put into words… it's everything I need it to be.

He leans over me and kisses me deeply for a while longer. It's heaven. Having him so close, touching him, holding him, kissing him... it's rejuvinating... with each second that goes by as we're locked together, I feel myself becoming whole again. "I love you, too, Babe." He whispers against my lips.

We don't need to say anything else. We lay on the bed holding on to each other tightly. I'm nestled right into his neck and he kisses my forehead every so often as we await the results. We'll deal with those when they get here.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Ranger is gently waking me. "Babe, the doctor is here."

My eyes snap open and I look at Dr. Evans. Sheepishly, I realize I probably shouldn't be on Ranger's bed. I move to stand up, but Ranger holds me to him. "Stay." He kisses my forehead and turns back to the doctor. "What's the verdict?"

Dr. Evans closes the folder in his hands, "We've done every test possible, but we can't find any evidence that the tumor is growing. There is nothing there. All our test have concerned however, that your stress level is much too high. That's what's causing the symptoms."

Ranger looks at him incredulously. "Stress? All this crap was because of stress?"

Dr. Evans grins. "Stress is the silent killer, Mr. Manoso. I can prescribe some medication, but I'm going to have to insist that you evaluate you life and reduce some of the stress burden."

"So he'll be fine?" I ask. Its almost too good to be true.

The doctor nods. "We'll monitor you again in the next three months to make sure you're taking the right steps, but other than that, you'll be fine."

Ranger gets up from the bed and shakes the doctor's hand. "Thank you very much."

"You're very welcome."

When the doctor leaves Ranger comes over to me and kisses me. "So. Looks like we can get out of here finally."

I look up anxiously at him. "So... you're going to be fine," I'm afraid to move, to say anything. What if this was all because he thought he was going to die or something.

Ranger seems to read my mind. He kisses me passionately again. "I'm never letting you go again, Babe. I want you in every way."

I stand up and wrap my arms around him, "I'm scared," I whisper into his neck.

He crushes me to him. "I'm not going to push you Stephanie. I know I've got a long way to go before I earn your trust back. But I _swear, _I'll never push you away again." His arms are running roughly up and down my back desperately, as though he wants to rub the truth of his words into me.

I squeeze him back. "Never?"

He pulls me away only face enough to look into my eyes and his responding smile melts all my fears away. "Never." He holds on to me like he never plans to let go.

--


	6. Epilogue

**Sorry if this is a bit confusing but I made a few small changes to the story, nothing big, just a couple extra tid-bits along the way, (if you don't feel like reading it over again, don't worry, it's the same) and some spell checking and one of the chapters was too long so I split it in two, which is why the epilogue is being added as a new chapter now.  
**

**I added a couple extra lines here and there to the epilogue, making it a bit more thorough, but everything is basically the same. I did add some pictures, not many, just the house and that kitchen I love so much. Link is in my profile.**

**

* * *

  
**

**EPILOGUE**

**

* * *

  
**

"Come on, Max, roll over." I say to the tan puppy. "Roll over."

He looks at me like I'm insane.

I sigh. "It's like this." I demonstrate one more time, rolling over on the area rug in the living room.

"Babe." Ranger says from behind me. "The point is to get the dog to do it."

I roll my eyes but get up and greet him. He pulls me into a hug and kisses me. "You're home early." I say against his lips.

Our foreheads are touching, "I thought I'd finally move in the rest of my stuff and set up the office." He says before he kisses me again.

It's been a few months we came back from Tampa. Ranger and I are in a really good place; it took a while for me to learn to trust him, but I'm slowly getting there. We both had make some adjustments to make our relationship work, but we were both all in, finally. I officially invited Ranger to move in a week ago. It's not like we didn't spend every night together anyway, either here or at the Haywood apartment.

Ranger kept his word; he didn't push me away, but he didn't pressure me either. He wanted me to trust him on my own. For the first month back, he always knocked before coming in. It still makes me smile when I remember the look on his face when I finally gave him the security codes and a copy of my house key. He was downright effervescent. He picked me up, kissed the hell out of me and proceeded to carry me into the bedroom to show me just how happy he was.

I gave up my apartment, finally, and donated all the stuff in there to good will, except the piano. The house was finally done a couple weeks ago, and I loved it. There was a spare bedroom upstairs for the girls with a corresponding bathroom decorated with daisies. There is another spare bedroom all done upstairs but the third bedroom is bare for now. I have no idea what to do with it. Anyhow, now we were moving things around to make it suitable for Ranger also. Part of the large basement became a gym, the other half became another den with a giant projector for watching movies, although we also have the main living room upstairs. I changed some of the more feminine things to something a little more gender neutral, but mostly everything is the same, I didn't have that much girlie stuff to begin with. We still have the froggy toothbrush holder, if you're wondering, but I _did_ give up one the walk in closets in my bedroom to Ranger (and believe it or not, there are not only black clothes in there. I swear, I even saw a green shirt, I think). The study in front of the house is currently being changed into Ranger's home office.

"I'm so glad you repainted the room," Ranger says me as we walked hand in hand to the empty office. The furniture is piled into the library for now, since we got the painting done yesterday.

I giggle, "You didn't like it before?"

"It was pink."

"It was _coral._"

"Orange-pink."

"What, you're not man enough to have a coral office?"

"Definitely not."

"Alright then," I say with a laugh. "I originally wanted to go for that green, remember the sample?"

He makes a face. "Too bright. Who can concentrate in a bright office?"

"Whatever. Stick with boring earth tones, then."

Ranger wraps his arms around me. "So it's official now."

I lean against him. "Yep. Having second thoughts?"

"Not one. You?"

I shake my head. "No." I spin around in his arms."I love you."

He smiles and kisses me hard on the lips. "I love you, too." He says when we finally pull apart.

"I thought since the house is finally done and you live here now that we could have a barbecue as a house warming party. We could invite the guys, Lula, my parents, my sister and her kids, maybe Kloughn."

"You think it's safe to have Kloughn around my men, Babe? He may not survive."

"He's not that bad. He grows on you… like mold."

Ranger looks like he's thinking about smiling.

"Tell the guys not to pack any heat just in case. Especially since my grandmother may be here."

Ranger shudders when I mention Grandma Mazur. "I'm not responsible for what they do to her if they're provoked."

I giggle. "I'll make sure she's on her best behavior." Max picks that moment to nudge Ranger's leg. "The girls are going to flip when they see the puppy!"

Ranger and I went out a week ago to Point Pleasant for the day, to enjoy the Indian summer weather and we walked by a pet store where Max here was pacing in the window. He's a mastiff puppy, only two months old, and I fell in love. He's so adorable and going to be huge, but I like it better that way. Now we're both parents to Max and Rex (who got a much bigger cage when I moved him in here). Max finds Rex very entertaining. He'll watch him spin around for ages. What an unlikely friendship.

My mom still comes by to teach me how to cook every once in a while, but then Ranger later teaches me how to make the same thing _without_ all the fat and cholesterol. Believe it or not, it still tastes pretty good. And I bake a lot now. I try to keep it healthy, but sometimes I just bake whatever I see in the dessert cookbook I bought. Ranger does have a little bit whenever I make it, but I consider it a triumph when he eats desserts at all. Usually its me and the girls who finish it.

As for the girls, Ranger gets along with them really well. He doesn't go riding with us, he's usually working but he did discover Angie's secret passion: reading and writing. She spends hours in the small library in our house with her nose in a book or reading the newspaper. She admitted to him that she wants to be a journalist, which I think is amazing. On the days the girls come over, her and Ranger always talk endlessly about whatever book she's currently reading or whatever article struck an interest with them in the paper.

We don't really want to have our own kids in the near future; neither of us is ready for that. We're happy with Max and Rex. I don't see myself being a responsible enough parent, though I'm sure if it did happen on it's own, by some miracle, we'd be fine with it.

Safety isn't really an issue I'm concerned with when it comes to crazy skips; Ranger takes it seriously enough for the both of us, but since our relationship is very public, people know to back off from Ranger's woman. The one guy who did try to get to me shortly after we got together ended up... well, _wishing_ he was dead. Word spread after that.

We spend a little while setting up the desk in his office and by the time most of the furniture is set up we're both a little sweaty. Ranger has discarded his shirt and I'm staring at him like he's lunch.

"See something you like, Babe?"

I nod. "Yes. Want to hop in the shower with me?"

The wolf grin comes full force. "I've got a better idea." He pulls me to him, puts his hands on my butt and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around him as he carries me, peeling off our clothes along the way. I'm not paying attention to where we're going but I think it's probably the bedroom… until I hear the screen door open and shut.

I pull my lips from his, look around the back yard and suddenly understand what's happening. I squeal. "Ranger," I warn, "Don't you dare!"

But I barely get the words out before he's jumped into the pool with us both, laughing the entire time.

"Ranger!" I exclaim when we come up.

"Sorry, Babe," his eyes are twinkling, "I like seeing you all wet."

I blush. "The water is cold!" I protest in mock anger.

The way he stares at me makes me hot all over. "Don't worry, I'm about to warm you up." He pushes me against the wall of the pool and presses his body against mine. He's kissing my mouth, my neck, my shoulders... I close my eyes as his head disappears under the water, feeling his lips make their way down—

_Oh GOD!_

You see, _now_ I'm happy.

--

* * *

**I really hope all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Thanks again :)  
**


End file.
